Recently, I discovered that May is International Masturbation Month.
It made sense to me right away, because… Well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.
I shared this discovery with all my friends, hitting on the idea that if we all masturbated on a daily basis, the world would be a more peaceful place. And quite quickly, a good friend of mine quipped back, “Yup, masturbation and meditation is all we need for world peace!”
I couldn’t agree more.
Mainly because these two acts are a couple of the most potent forms of self-love. And self-love is, in my humble opinion, a delightful way to a more peaceful planet.
I got some of the best advice on self love from a creative friend of mine whose spirit overflows into everything she does. She’s a soul painter, painting a new, beautiful way of life with each dab and stroke of her brush. We sat in meditation together one day, her leading a group of us ladies through a mind journey into our sensual loving selves.
She told us that during self-pleasuring, the key is to stay connected to ourselves. And just to be clear, this meditation was not solely about masturbation—it was about connecting to our inner selves, our souls, and the fragmented parts in ourselves. It was about bringing ourselves back to a state of healthy living in all dimensions, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and sexually.
And when she touched on the concept of self-pleasure, what really stuck out to me was her suggestion, that when we next explored our own sexuality, whenever that may be (every day if it’s the month of May!) we try our hardest to stay completely present with ourselves in that moment. To not allow our minds to wander to our usual fantasy scenes or favourite sexual partners. That we commit to keeping it all about ourselves—connecting deeply to our very own sensuality and sexuality.
So, how do we do this? What is the best way to merge our meditation practice with masturbation?
Firstly, I made the decision that I was ready to reclaim my sexuality. And how could I do this if I didn’t fully connect with my own body—intimately discovering what pleases me, what brings me to ecstasy, and what makes my mind explode with images of sensual grandiosity. Discovering all of this without having an ounce of shame connected to it was my biggest challenge.
I come from a family that is open about sexuality. Contrary to most other families I grew up alongside, my siblings and I were permitted to watch movies that might have some sexual content to them, while we were forbidden to view any form of violent drama. I thank my mother for this social stance, as it helped me develop into a peaceful, openly sexual person.
At some point in my life though, a lot of shame around the topic of sex developed in my own being. Most likely from my experience of rape as a young teenager.
Over the last few years, I have become more and more aware of just how much shame around sexuality I carried with me. I became tired of having these feelings with me.
Creating a practice of meditative masturbation has certainly helped me to overcome this shame. It has brought me back to a place where I know I am in control of my own body, my desires and the way I get to express myself sexually in this world. Through being mindful during masturbation, I have been able to reclaim the power of my sexual nature.
And all it has is complete presence during the moments of self-pleasure. Complete and utter connection to my own body.
This sexual liberation has carried forth with me now and into my sexual experiences with other humans. It’s been a magical journey so far. But it hasn’t been the easiest journey to be on, particularly in the beginning, because I definitely do like to indulge in sexual fantasy (which, by the way, I believe can still be quite healthy, especially if my fantasies are still honouring my body and soul.)
Often when it comes to masturbation, we take ourselves out of the moment by trailing off into imagined scenarios, past experiences or future possibilities. In turn, denying ourselves the true self love that we were initially embarking on.
This is where the practice of meditation comes in really handy (double pun not intended.).
If we can practice staying mindfully present in these moments, we are on the road to developing a healthy love relationship with ourselves.
As in any form of meditation, focusing on the breath is one of the best ways to stay present. Another way is to choose a mantra or an intention, and repeat it in your mind as you explore your own body. I like something simple, such as, “I love myself” or “I cherish my body.”
This is an open invitation to take a new approach to self-pleasure. To stay completely present to your own body, relishing in the unique splendour of all of your curves, soft supple sweet spots and perfectly gorgeous grooves, no matter the shape, size or tightness of each and every part of you. From my own experience with experimenting with meditative masturbation, this can be one of the most erotic affairs of your life.
I mean really, how can we expect our partner to know us deeply if we do not yet know ourselves fully on such an intimate level?
And like I mentioned, there are times and places for our imaginations to take us on a journey that our soul may be fantasizing about. There is definitely always more than one way to reach our destination; as they say, “there are many ways to the mall.” All that I am asking is that if you haven’t tried it yet, put yourself in the driver’s seat and don’t pick up any passengers along the way.
Author: Morgan Leigh Callison
Image: Hillary Boles/Flickr
Editors: Sara Kärpänen; Toby Israel