I have a friend who is trying to get pregnant.
Okay, I’ll be honest, I have a lot of friends trying to get pregnant because we’re mostly in our mid-thirties and inundated by Facebook feeds that are all about the delights of feeding a one-year-old squash.
At one point, we were all in our twenties and convinced that we would never be “those women.” We would travel and our husbands would always want to have sex with us.
F*cking biological clocks.
For many of my friends, it came as a surprise, like, “I don’t hate the idea of having children.” Soon after, it felt as if everyone had a designer stroller. Pregnancy, once seen as the bane of our existences, now looked desirable.
However, being in our thirties and not our twenties meant that it wasn’t as simple as ditching the birth control and playing a little Boyz II Men. Our bodies had been told to stop and halt with the fertility for so many years, that they weren’t exactly on board for the switcheroo. I realized that there was a heck of a lot of prenatal resources out there, when preconception was often limited to, “Try for one year. Freak out. See a doctor.”
Here are some things I suggest for my baby-hungry sisters to help with the process, both mentally and physically:
1) See your friends without babies.
This seems like easy advice, but women will often find themselves subconsciously moving into an “all baby all the time” direction. This can make for a constant sympathetic nervous system response, which is not the ideal state for making a human being.
See people who can talk about things other than burp cloths from time to time. It may help to relieve the pressure that you are putting on yourself.
2) Slow it down.
Working in the fitness field, I have seen women teach classes right up to birth. However, for most of us, preconception is a time when we can set ourselves up to receive a new experience. This can be hard to do when everything is staying at the pace of mania.
If you are a spin-class-hot yoga-little-sleep junkie, try to take a few things off your plate to create some room for a potential new experience (or at the very least, more sleep).
If you do yoga, incorporate poses that encourage blood flow to the groin, such as reclined butterfly pose on a bolster.
3) Clear your second chakra.
When I was in yoga teacher training and the word “chakra” was brought up, it took everything in my power not to cough, “Bullshit!”
I have changed my tune, but I do get those who aren’t feeling the energy centers. Tune in to your past sexual experiences and how they are influencing your present relationship. Explore what you are doing to tap into your creative side. It is essential that you play and take creative risks as you embark on the ultimate act of creativity.
4) Eat like a boss.
As women, and healthy women, we can sometimes get in the habit of deprivation.
My sister even recently told me I was getting too skinny in defense of my new veganism. I promptly went out and ate more at lunch. Have enough of good, whole foods that make you digest and smile easily. If your body says that a second helping is in order, listen to it. This can be a hard thing to do if your inner voice has had a long-suffering mantra of “no” at mealtimes.
5) Get it on for fun.
Even if you are tracking your cycles and charting the best time to do it, sex for fun has to be on the table. Even when it isn’t the ideal time, hit on your partner. Leave some room for spontaneity. Visit the most beautiful cities in the world, if you can, and get it on there.
When you aren’t in the mood, even if it’s the “right time,” consider not doing it. You are allowed to feel like having a pyjamas and Netflix night.
If you don’t have meditation in your life, this is an excellent time to bring it in. Sacred quiet spaces can help you to realize what are you are clinging to, and what you are willing to surrender. No matter what happens, it can help you to birth the purest version of yourself.
Enjoy your sexy times.
Author: Courtney Sunday
Editor: Erin Lawson