September 20, 2016

5 Ways to Kiss & Make Up for your Mercury Retrograde Mishaps.

Flickr/Paul Gorbould

Editor’s note: Our articles represent the personal opinion, view or experience of the authors. This piece is supposed to be funny, taken with a grain of salt. Many blogs here are experience, opinion, and not fact or The One Right Point of View. We welcome all points of view, especially when offered with clarity, humour and frankness. Have opinions or thoughts about this article? Join the conversation by commenting below or sharing your own view here.


As an astrologer, let me begin by saying that planets don’t “make” people do anything.

But for those who are meta-physically curious, something strange and almost magical seems to happen when the planet Mercury goes retrograde as it did from August 30 to September 22.

Communication between people really does seem to go haywire! People seem to have an abnormal amount of misunderstandings and communication failures with each other.

While such problems do occur at other times, they seem to happen with far great frequency during Mercury retrograde.

Here’s what some of us may have experienced over these past three weeks.

We may have found ourselves misspeaking, saying the wrong thing and having disagreements we don’t normally have. At work, even though we are sure that we’ve explained ourselves clearly to the other person, they do the opposite of what we have said—even though they are sure that they’ve followed our instructions.

Our fail-proof computer crashes. We experience equipment and mechanical breakdowns of all types. The funny noise coming from our car engine suddenly turns into an expensive repair. The monthly check that is automatically generated by our bank and sent out doesn’t arrive, and neither does that merchandise we ordered online. Since the planet Mercury rules transportation, equipment is unreliable; so that may explain why the car we just bought is turning out to be a “lemon.”

Hopefully, Elephant Journal readers were not too inconvenienced by the effects of Mercury Retrograde! Either way, let’s celebrate some good news: Mercury Retrograde is over on September 22. Say hallelujah! Our lives return back to normal. We can start humming the lyrics from our favorite Bobby McFerrin song…

However you see it, it is interesting to look back over these past three weeks of Mercury retrograde and notice some of crazy news stories that typified the communication problems we all experienced.

Here are a few examples of people who did not do well under the influence of this retrograde.

Mercury Retrograde News Stories

Rio de Janeiro, Aug. 30 (USA TODAY Sports) Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has been pilloried for his exaggerated tale of robbery in Rio.

Mexico City, Sept. 1 Mexican President and Donald Trump have Twitter war over “Mexico not paying for the wall.”

Yahoo News, Sept. 7 Pilot accidentally flies to the entirely wrong country in colossal stuff-up.

New York, Sept 9 (NY Daily News) Hillary Clinton says that 50% of Trump’s supporters are “deplorable.”

Regardless of the problems we may have encountered during this retrograde, if we do some simple things when Mercury goes direct, we can derive huge benefit and make ourselves (or someone else) very happy.

Here are five things you can do to repair Mercury Retrograde slip-ups:

  1. Thank God—you declined that job as Head Organizer for “Latinos & Muslims for Trump!” Now you can accept a job opportunity with a real future.

During the retrograde, you may have had some confusion about whether to accept a promotional opportunity or a new job offer. However, when Mercury goes direct those doubts will be gone. The fog lifts and your vision is 20/20. You’re now able to evaluate the good, bad and the ugly of any employment opportunity and chose the one that’s right for you. It’s also a positive time to begin a new position because you’ll be communicating clearly without the confusion that causes misunderstandings or bad first impressions.

  1. Be grateful you weren’t fired after placing either of these two ideas in the company suggestion box: the one for “Flavored bullets so people can commit suicide with one of five tasty choices.” Or your new event idea for the annual company picnic: “Having a Xanax scavenger hunt where everything on the list must be stolen.”

Admit to co-workers that your recent ideas were pretty dumb. Let them know that you understand why they burned your picture in effigy in the company lunchroom as a throng of employees loudly cheered, clapped, and chanted, “What a doofus.”

  1. Immediately schedule an appointment to see your hair stylist…Please! During the retrograde, you changed your hairdo. What a mistake! It’s clear now that the Donald Trump “comb-over” look wasn’t right for you. Now that Mercury is direct, it’s time to have your hair stylist do a make over and undo the damage, and stop the ridicule you’ve endured from your family and friends. It’s time to “make this face great again.”

Before the retrograde began, you may have been evaluating areas of your life where you needed to make decisions. Perhaps, it was inconvenient to delay making those decisions, waiting for the three weeks of the retrograde to pass. (That’s why you decided to change your hairstyle during the retrograde. Bad move!) But as the direct period begins, you’ll discover mistakes you might have made and learn some useful information you didn’t know. With these facts in hand, you’ll be ready to make the right buying decision to purchase that expensive car or home, begin a new project with greater confidence of success, more competently select a new attorney for estate planning or a plastic surgeon for your cosmetic surgery.

  1. Return your girlfriend’s talking parrot, Freddy (who you swore flew out the window during the week you were housesitting for her). Now is an excellent time to find items you’ve lost (even a parrot, who screams, “Loser” each time he sees you.)

The direct period is a time to find those things that were lost (or, that you had a hand in losing). Keep in mind, that we all lose things of value, even when Mercury is not retrograde. However, during the retrograde, when people are especially careless and mistake-prone, there is a higher propensity to lose important items such as money, clothes, rings or other valuables (or, even a parrot). The direct period is a very fortunate time to find, not only items that you’ve lost during the retrograde, but valuables you’ve lost over the years. Make a list of any items you’ve lost recently, or even months, or years ago.

Think back to when and where you lost them. Mentally, your mind is especially sharp now, allowing you to recall details you had long forgotten. You’ll think of a new place you’ve never looked before and magically, your lost item will be there. Or, you may suddenly remember someone you should contact who could help you recover what you’ve lost.

  1. Apologize for what you said about your mother-in-law. Let your wife know that you mis-spoke when you referred to her as “That nosy ______ !”

Resolve misunderstandings that have occurred. We all make mistakes in the way we communicate with others. Unfortunately, we tend to make a lot of them during the retrograde period. But what separates the men from the boys and the girls from the women are the way we clean them up, when we make them. If you’ve had an argument at work with a colleague or boss, or had a big fight with a loved one, or called a loved one’s mother a harsh name, Mercury direct is the ideal time to discuss what’s upset you, apologize or forgive someone. You’ll have the mental clarity to express yourself appropriately and reach a new understanding that will resolve your upset and create a more harmonious relationship.

Mercury retrograde is a time to slow down, reflect and re-evaluate all your plans and projects. Re-consider your ideas and what you’ve learned. If you’ve consciously done this— you’re now more conscious of changes you can make to improve it. To help you with this task, make a list of people you’ve had questions about, projects you considered undertaking, and activities you were contemplating. Ask yourself: what have you learned about them that you didn’t know three weeks ago? This new knowledge will help you make needed changes and more successful decisions.

Take advantage of this period of sanity when the world is no longer quite as crazy, that is, until December 19, 2016 when the next Mercury Retrograde begins. Until then, we may be doing some things that will shock the people we know!

If you want to know if you were born with Mercury Retrograde; and how the planets in your horoscope may be bringing changes to your life, go to the Free Transit Calculator and enter your birth date.



We are part of the Universe, but how much does that really affect us, day to day?





Author: Larry Schwimmer

Image: Flickr/Paul Gorbould 

Editor: Renée Picard 


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