September 30, 2016

Choose the Kind of Love you Desire.

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A photo posted by Waylon Lewis (@waylonlewis) on

I worked so hard to mend all these pieces of myself together.

Each step I have taken in life was to build up this human that I am now—and just as the stumbles I have been through were designed to take me down, so too were they scripted to raise me up.

But as we grow, at some point we will realize: “Oh my gosh, I am whole.”

And it will come to us out of the blue—and for a moment, it will take our breathe away, because everyone has always told us that we were broken or needed in some way to be changed…and we believed them.

But one day, we will suddenly realize that we were always just right. And how hilarious it is that we’ve struggled with this idea of not good enough for so long, that we have second-guessed ourselves, belittled our own existence and tried to hide the very quirks that make us so unique and grand.

And because of this, we settled for partners who did the same—ones who loved us mostly, but were too afraid to love all of us completely, and were just able to do it piece by piece. We said okay, because this is exactly how we’ve treated ourselves, like we were someone who could be quartered of into sections, in which there’s only enough energy for each piece of us to be seen or held one at a time.

But the truth is, we don’t deserve to just be loved just a little…or bit by bit. No, we actually deserve to be loved a lot and completely. We deserve a love that grasps our entirety, one that feels like we have been enveloped in a warm cocoon of gooey, honey-coated bliss.

And honestly, for many of us, we just have not realized this yet—and it’s okay, because remember how long it took us to realize that we were whole? We can wait for it—this perfect love—because once we know our potential, the conclusion that we will come too is that we don’t deserve anything less. And a perfect love does not mean that we are waiting for the perfect person to give it—it means that the partner who offers us this is ready.

So, if someone is after only a bit of us—just a whiff, or a gander, or a curiosity—they are not the one. Because we want it all, and require someone who does too.

And we will get it. I have seen it. I have heard others talk about it. I have almost experienced it. I have tasted that enveloping love of “hell yes,” but knew that this was not enough, and I had to let it go. Because honestly, it needs to be a “f*ck yes!”—and he was not quite that. He was only prepared for measured amounts of me, and I knew I was no longer prepared to pull myself apart again. Not for anyone.

We need a partner who can embrace the whole of us, because we have realized there is no playing small anymore, and that moving through the world from a state of wholeness is the most life honouring practice we can do.

What’s the point of pretending anything less then fabulous, sparkling and sublime with a partner would be okay? If we feel like we have to justify or make excuses for our needs to them, they don’t deserve us yet. All of us warrants to be fully seen, and if they haven’t earned the ability to recognize our amazingness, then they still aren’t knowing how to value the weight of something that is pure gold. Because a healthy, whole, rounded and grounded human is what we are now, and  this is a far better prize then anyone could have ever asked for.

So we must learn that it is okay to say no to the ones who don’t want all of us—to not let them grab a hold, nor allow their hooks to grasp even a strand of our beautiful, authentically wonderful selves. If they can’t handle it all, they will not get one single piece.

For two broken-feeling people do not make a whole, and we are done walking around as if there was a small piece missing from our souls. We are not lacking anything—even if we don’t have our perfect love yet, we are complete, and we must remember that this is so! Because when we forget is when we choose to settle and to fragment. Let’s not do this anymore.

Our life is a series of small choices that eventually create our entire existence. Why not choose only the kind of love that we know we truly desire—from the one who will have all of us, every ounce and last gorgeous, wild bit. For that is what we want. We want a love that is deserving of our greatness, and so, we’ll only say yes from now on to that—or more.


Author: Sarah Norrad

Image: Instagram @waylonlewis

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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