September 23, 2016

For the Broken Hearted: Finding Relief to Ease the Pain.

Alani Cruz/Flickr

There’s simply no way to navigate this journey called life without our tender hearts being broken.

If we’ve never experienced a broken heart, we’ve failed to embody the complexities of love, loss and ultimate gain. For many of us, we lead our lives, feeling our way through this world.

From a young age, my fragile heart has been broken, abused, tormented and tarnished. I remember being an openhearted, bright and loving child at an early age. I also remember when I was first stricken with fear (trauma), inevitably defending my true nature with a facade of anger and isolation. 

I remained largely closed off for the majority of my childhood and early adulthood, still often feeling this way today—for fear of experiencing the pain of a broken heart once again. Along the way, though, some of us learn that once our hearts have been broken, we can finally cast out all of the illusory pain which has held us captive for so long.

As children, we soon learn to believe in whatever foundation we were brought up in (our perceived identity) and for so many, this carries on throughout our entire adult lives. I was fortunate. People have entered my life, time and time again, opening me back up in a plethora of ways. Somehow, these angels in disguise discovered my own vulnerabilities, weaknesses and concealed strengths through virtue of their own devices, piercing my seemingly impenetrable fortress and successfully breaking me open once more—awakening my dormant, wounded heart to love.

Each of these encounters has led to me seeking out and residing in a space of forgiveness for others and myself for how these interactions resulted. Not all of my friendships and relationships have been bright and positive—quite the opposite at times actually.

So, what is the way to overcome the ache, shame, guilt, grief, loneliness and inherent pain that’s so often associated with heartbreak?

There are definitely ways to cure these beliefs, but what I’d like to share instead are ways to find relief for all of the tormented souls who seek solace and comfort within the confines of our own bodies. Here it is:

Since childhood…I’ve cried.

I still do. I sob and I let the pain rise through me. I weep while tasting the salt from my tears as they dance down my cheeks. I’ve balled and walked like a baby at times when all alone. I release the energy that’s lodged within my heart space, which has always been followed by the warm, relieving sensation of unconditional love—flowing unobstructed throughout my entire body, once again.

It took me a long time to accept, that for myself personally (as a grown man and lifelong sensitive male empath), quietly weeping, tearing up or even sobbing was the one, absolute way that I could release this pent-up energy. Doing that releases any blocks that otherwise obscure the flow of pure energy. It saturates our heart space and clears whatever it is that ails us—in mind, body and spirit.

So how does the effect of such blockages develop over time?

Our mind eventually gains possession over a belief. Our perception of love and how we choose to experience it repeatedly, eventually manifests as a mental, emotional or physical disorder. We continue attracting similar experiences into our lives (subconsciously), insistent upon re-living them and thus our original wound or trauma never fully heals.

But here’s the paradox of love: there’s no recovery from a broken heart.

Once it’s broken, that’s it. We simply learn to adapt. It’s a process of disillusionment. It’s a process of learning to accept and forgive the cause or our original heartbreak and it’s a choice to love, instead of fear. It’s ultimately a choice to forgive. There’s no amount of seeking that will ever capture what’s been lost. What’s done is done but there is a way through.

We hopefully learn from these periods of upset and perhaps, where it potentially originated from. We seek new avenues of heartfelt experiences, while braving the storm of life—courageously opening our raw, tender hearts once again to every element that surrounds us, while avoiding circumstances that would otherwise inhibit our ability to heal properly, through forgiveness. Time is most often the cure to this.

We can choose to allow ourselves the space for such vulnerability—surrendering to this unbridled feeling, which flows ceaselessly throughout all of our existence. Nature abhors a vacuum. Create the space within for Nature to fill you with its healing, unlimited presence.

Let your Kundalini open, so that you may be consumed by this pervading source of all that is—this effervescent life force. Cry, I plead, if you must.

There is a magnificence about one who chooses to shine a light on their wounds, rather than covering them up with the memory of pain or their first heartbreak. These past experiences are not meant to be forgotten, but rather, ultimately accepted and forgiven unconditionally.

The next time I’m feeling an obstruction in my heart and that energy welling up from within, I’m going to cry, like a man should if he wishes to vanquish the memory of his original captor. Let’s not forget that we’re sensitive beings who feel and wish to love, rather than fear or anguish. We were born this way.

So we learn to seek forgiveness for others and ourselves—for everything that our delicate hearts has felt pain over; real or imagined. We accept the past as it’s played out, yet our perception evolves to embrace it as it was.

It’s time to let the tears flow, to accept and recollect (like when we were children) that by opening up to the divine nature of love, we are again reminded that we’re complete. We are loved and we are loving.


If you’d be interested in exploring these deeper levels, where our beliefs exist on the subconscious, feel free to reach out for more information about the Belief Work that I offer. 


Author: Thayne Ulschmid

Image: Alani Cruz/Flickr

Editor: Sara Kärpänen

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