October 14, 2016

Don’t Expect more than He can Give.

Flickr/Gordon Anthony McGowan

“This time is going to be different, she thought. Because this time I have no expectations beyond today. And today, feels pretty good.” ~ J.M. Storm 


Don’t ever want him to be someone other than who he is in this moment.

He’s a patchwork quilt of good intentions and lessons learned the hard way. He isn’t perfect (and he won’t ever be), but he stirs something within you that no one else has, and for that very reason any rough seas experienced by his side will always be worth riding out.

He’s magnificent in all of his flawed humanness, because it is there that the soul of an original is born. It is there—in that blooming place of iridescent rawness—that we can make the choice to meet him, not because of what lays possible in our imagination, but for the reality we can grasp as tightly as his hand when he comes to stand by our side.

Whether we know if this man is our forever or not the one,  something we need to do is not expect more than he can give in this moment.

I know we say we will be ready when that crazy love knocks on our door, but sometimes it takes a few times before we are ready to actually  answer it.

Perhaps he’s still in progress—the transient phase between sleeping and awakening—and though you have no desire to rush his journey, you also still have to accept all of him if you’re interested in any part of him.

He isn’t someone who deserves to only be gazed upon when he’s bringing a smile to your sweet lips—for if you can’t find beauty in his darkness, then perhaps you aren’t the one who is worthy of his light.

This man—this warrior of hearts, this original masterpiece—will never play by your rules. The thing is, that is part of why you love him.

But just because he has won your heart, it doesn’t mean he’s obligated to do what you want or need every minute—his job, if he does it correctly, is to challenge you, so you never become complacent in your journey of awakening.

He will show up for you when he can, but when he can’t—love him even harder.

He will speak up for what he wants to, but when he doesn’t—-listen to what he’s not saying.

He will begin to unravel his secrets in pieces and corners, but when it seems he needs to go and retrace his steps a bit before venturing any further—show him you will hold the space till he returns. And dare to prove to him that someone can show him loyalty without even being asked to.

Through the lens of loving him, you’ll also find the courage to be true to yourself.

This man has never wanted your perfection, so place any expectations of him under your pillow, and let them drift away as you fall into sweet dreams that taste more like reality than fantasy.

This is what this man has done to you—he’s taken your dreams, twisting and bending them this way and that, until they shine with the obsidian passion of authenticity. Then he’s breathed life into it all, making it dance far more sensual than any bittersweet illusion ever could.

So don’t expect more than he can give you in this moment—whether it’s his heart, or a smile, or perhaps nothing at all.

Because in this moment he is as perfect as he will get; and the thing is my darling, so are you. Not because either of you are heaven-sent, but because you each sing a melody only the other can truly comprehend.

Sometimes we need to be shown what love isn’t, before we finally learn what it truly is.

He is walking his own path into the brilliant sun, and sometimes he becomes blinded and loses sight of what is in front of him. At times, it may seem like a few words and moments are all he can muster, before leaving in a cloud of ambition and obligations.

But whatever he is able to give, you have to decide if it’s enough for you—not how to instead make him give you more—because this man isn’t meant to be changed, but rather to be accepted for his entirety, or not at all.

There isn’t any way to pick and choose which parts you favor in this man among men, because loving him only in pieces is the saddest choice you can make.

For there is another out there—one with gleaming eyes and stardust dancing under her skin—a woman who sees his value, even in the darkness, and knows that the one thing no one should ever try to do to this man is change him.

This woman could love him not only for who he is, but for what he can give her, knowing that it’s not a matter of whether it will ever be enough—because in reality, she understands there may never be a feeling of having enough time with a man who sets fire to her skin and her heart at peace.

Yet what it does have to do with is making the choice to accept him—all of him—for whatever he is in this moment. Not because we only want to settle for pieces or half-time affairs, but because we respect him, and that also means not wanting or expecting more than he can give.

Because the reality is that sometimes our only choice is to dare to love someone just as they are.

“Trade your expectation for appreciation, and the world changes instantly.” ~ Tony Robbins


Author: Kate Rose

Image:  Flickr/Gordon Anthony McGowan

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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