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October 6, 2016

Losing Time with you was…Bliss.

you me

Inside the aftermath of ended relationships—after the dust has settled and we’re right on the verge of letting go—we find the lessons that were wrapped inside of those experiences.

We can choose to return them, sight unseen—or we can open them up and treat them like the gifts they are, however unwelcome. Upon doing this, I unwrapped an unexpected gift from a recent relationship.

It’s not a gift that I wanted, but it was one I truly needed; I was finally able to see that I’d lost myself inside of being with him. I was so swept away in those precious, beautiful moments we’d had that I just surrendered.

And some of that surrender was lovely and perfect—but I also surrendered too much of myself. Who I was. What I wanted. For a moment there, I was so caught up in being treated well, so lost inside of love and desire and the potential of what could be, that I forgot to just breathe…and do…and live.

For a moment, I lost who I was—and while I harbor few regrets in how the relationship played out, I know that I cannot ever allow myself to lose so much of me again. And when I realized that—when I realized that my greatest mistake was in letting myself be lost—I wrote this. May it be of benefit.

~

Losing time with you was bliss
but there are things I’ll never miss
like losing me
when I had you
so wrapped up in us and we
that I lost
the thread of dreams
of who I am and what I know
I held on tight to what we had
caught up in what was never mine
and lost myself
lost all that time, then you
you left and there I was
broken—yes, my heart was crushed
but I was me again, complete
and stronger still than when we were we
thought I wanted us to be
and though I treasured
all our time
you took my breath
and it was mine
and loving you and losing time
was bliss for me
and yet
there are things i’ll never miss
like losing me
for love of you
never mine, I always knew
and yet I gave you everything
like me and mine and who I was
all my dreams, my every breath
and still you left
you left…
you left…
and what I was left with
was this truth
that I am mine without the we
and when you’ve come
and gone again
or other lovers come to stay
I will always be right here
all my dreams and every breath
are mine no matter who has left
or who will stay and love this heart
And losing time with you was bliss
but losing me
I’ll never miss.

~

We’ve all had those relationships, haven’t we?

Where we’ve just lost our own identity, fusing ourselves so much in the relationship that everything else is just a blur outside of it. We can learn from that. We can remember to hold tightly to who we are, no matter how much we want to allow ourselves to just be swept away.

Because at the end of the day—at the end of it all—we are left with ourselves. No matter who comes or goes, no matter what else happens. And that is too precious to surrender so easily.

So we find the balance in allowing ourselves to fall in love, to be enchanted and yet to keep the core of ourselves pure. To be who we are, to follow our bliss and to chase our dreams. To have whole, separate selves no matter the intensity of the relationships we choose. Perhaps we’ll lose our hearts again, but never our precious selves.

~

Author: Crystal Jackson

Image: Flickr/you me

Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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