October 2, 2016

What Grief is Not. {Bonus: Tapping Meditation}


The ability to hold both joy and pain equally, is the gift of grief.

Grief is not glamorous. Few people want to talk about it, let alone do the work that it takes to heal it. Grief is not happy. It’s not fun and it requires your [our?] greatest patience.

No wonder it is so repulsive.

Grief asks so much of us and so much from others. It’s messy, chaotic and extremely uncomfortable. It challenges others to witness ugliness. It disrupts and creates lasting changes that forever shape how we move forward.

The emotional body experiences explosive, violent and disturbing waves. These waves are uncontrollable and unpredictable. It can feel scary and unsafe.

When will another wave hit?

How will I get back to shore?

Touching our emotional body through the grief process is a deep relationship with the Divine Feminine—her untamed, wild body of wisdom, strength and uncertainty.

Grief is far from popular.

Most people don’t grieve fully, and so the healing does not take place. The gift never arrives. The wisdom is never extracted. Stunting the grief process is damaging on multiple levels and can effect all four bodies—physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Grief can be our biggest transformational resource for awakening. So why do most people resist this process? 

If used properly, grief can heal and transform your biggest wounds, as well as repair your ancestral karma. In fact, much of the grief, suffering and pain you will face in your life time is directly handed down from your ancestors. This is the result of your ancestors not honoring and healing their own grief. From an epigenetic perspective, this unprocessed grief becomes your familial mythology and shapes your personal mythology as well.

Grief does not go away.

Let me repeat that. Grief does not go away.

Grief changes, though—and it will change you. The very nature of the grieving process is change, uncontrollable change. These changes must be honored authentically and consistently.

Grief is not joyful.

It usually doesn’t look or feel happy. But it can become your greatest teacher.

From a Jyotish perspective, grief is shown by Saturn, the planet of both hard work and enlightenment. This is the story of grief: hard work and enlightenment. From consistent heat, pressure and time, the diamond appears. Saturn supports you in this transformational journey.

Saturn also brings resistance. Karmically speaking, the very thing you most desire is often what you are also resisting the most. He shows us where the hard work must be done.

Do you know how to work with your resistance as a healing resource?

In my personal experience with various forms of grief (lifelong grief, acute grief, as well as trauma-induced grief) the lack of external support for my grief has been one of the biggest hindrances to my awakening.

I consistently see the lack of support with the grief journey as the biggest obstacle to healing and awakening that my clients have. This is also how the grief process gets suppressed and avoided.

Witnessing and holding clients through their grief journey has been powerfully validating for me personally and professionally. The courage I’ve needed to face my own debilitating grief has come through very sacred containers. This includes one-on-one support and group support.

Safety is the antidote to grief. But safety must be rebuilt and re-established after a loss. Being held in a safe and sacred container can help to re-establish the feeling of safety inside and out.

Grief is an opportunity to look at your biggest shadows, and your darkest darkness.

But the grief journey is not a popular one. There is little to no space for grieving in our relationships and communities, resulting in unprocessed grief more times than not.

The truth is that the grief process does not end, but we must attend to it very intentionally, with deep presence. Grief is your most powerful medicine, a potent tool for your inner awakening.

I’m on a mission to normalize grief, to educate others about its wisdom and power. I continue to be inspired by my grief journey and what I witness in my clients. Grief is a powerful teacher.

Please join me for a Bhakti centered grief practice. I’ll be sharing potent resources in the coming weeks to support your spiritual and emotional body awakening.

Tapping Meditation

Use this Tapping Meditation to work through your grief process—when you feel stuck, afraid or resistant to change.

Remember that we always start with “truth tapping,” by expressing feelings and experiences that feel challenging. This is a vital part of the process and paves the way for transformation and healing.

In the podcast below, I share a tapping (EFT) sequence with you that will guide you through transforming and releasing the old stories and invite in more receptivity. Remember, we start with identifying the challenges, then moving into possibility and desires in order to transform our shadow into light.

Use this podcast as you tap through these points:

  • Karate chop point (side of the hand).
  • Crown of the head.
  • Eyebrow point (above the eye).
  • Side of the eye.
  • Under the eye.
  • Under the nose.
  • Chin point (crease of the chin).
  • Throat point (collar bone/throat chakra).
  • Heart point (center of chest).
  • Stomach point (above the navel).
  • Side body (nipple line at side of chest).

Tap six to ten times on each point and just keep cycling through the points. Repeat the phrases I use aloud.

Notice any thoughts, stories, memories or emotions that emerge as you tap. These are important pieces to return to and do more tapping on, as a way to clear blockages.

As always, if the words I use don’t work for you, change them to support your process more fully.



Share your experiences below! What emerged for you in this process? Excited to hear from you!

Join me for an embodied grief workshop ~ Space Clearing the Heart. Discover how to work transform your emotional body in a more creative and embodied way. Get the Details.


Author: Saraswati J.

Images: Shutterstock ;  Flickr/Holly Lay

Editor: Erin Lawson

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