Author’s Note: This article is a reply to the elephant journal article: If You Want Her, You Must Claim Her by Lisa Vallejos.
“If you want her, you must claim her.”
I have heard this idea repeatedly sprinkled through other elephant journal articles, as well.
“The high-value woman may have deep feelings for you—she may even love you—but until you’ve chosen her, she will not fully invest in you.”
It makes sense, but it’s selfish. It’s asking the man to be the vulnerable one every. single. time. If, as a man, I wait for a high-value woman to choose me, I truly doubt it would ever happen because the idea of a man making the moves is so instilled in our culture.
We wonder why, “The asshole gets the girl.”
I would say it is because assholes are men who have hardened their hearts or didn’t have much of one to begin with and so they are the ones that can “claim a woman” by saying the right words—even if they don’t mean them.
A more emotionally available man is considered weak if he admits to having insecurity (as similarly expressed by the woman in this other story) and told to “man up.”
He has opened his heart and expressed his love for the woman of his dreams just to be rejected and doesn’t want to do it again.
He wants to feel chosen, even pursued too.
Why be so vulnerable and pursue a woman who may not love him back the way he loves her? And so he keeps his heart open to the possibility of someone else even though he may love her.
The tender man might be exactly the same as the woman described in this story: grounded, self-assured, knowing what they want in life and living life to its fullest—but with the same insecurity.
Let’s rewrite that sentence and ponder it from both sides:
“The high-value man may have deep feelings for you—he may even love you—but until you’ve chosen him, he will not fully invest in you.”
It takes two to tango. Meet us halfway.
Author: James Thibault
Editor: Travis May