February 19, 2017

Avoiding Stagnant Love & Transcending Soul Mate Relationships.

We’ve known each other before, and have met time and time again to work through our pasts and reconcile our differences.

We are soul mates, and we have an opportunity to help each other grow, absent the old paradigms that relate relationship to bonds or vows.

So much of our character has been unconsciously shaped by others, partly due to regular influences playing center-stage in our lives since childbirth. We’re all contributing, in one way or another, to each other’s soul growth or its opposition. Over time, we’ll inevitably meet many of our mates—both male and female embodiments—who satiate, starve, manipulate, teach, burden us or bear our own, in the name of love.

Love enters our lives in many forms, and it’s not impossible for abuse to mask itself as love, so trusting in our loved ones can be challenging when we feel as though their love is oppressive, manipulative, or ego-centered. We’re granted a chance to observe our own reflection when dealing with others who might strike a chord in us or make us feel incredibly uncomfortable, because they’re revealing past wounds or unresolved energy that, on some level, we’ve agreed to work out together, or at least bring attention to.

Throughout our lives, we are bound to enter into intimate relationships where a romantic union takes shape and the work we need to do is handed to us on a silver platter. It’s quite humbling to the spirit, but detrimental to one’s ego and perceived identity, supposing these lessons being presented to us are faced, overcome and learned from through resolution, ultimate forgiveness, or unconditional acceptance. 

Over the past few years, it’s become evident to me that many of our battles, lessons and healing can be done as friends, or sometimes even “frienemies.” There may be a disproportionate attraction between two mates colliding in spirit when two bodies are dragged into the wonderment of what this new connection may ultimately reveal.

Naturally, we’ve embraced mutual connection in the form of partnership where two souls can bare all to their mirror and karma can be worked out between each other over time. Communication barriers exist, and we subconsciously begin walking the tightrope of comfort zones to appease our significant other—meaning well, but ultimately suffering and drowning silently in our truth before it can ever surface.

My personal experience has taught me that karma can be worked out harmoniously with another soul mate, despite one party, or sometimes both, having strong feelings or urges they’d like to explore that divert them from the crossroad at hand. Rather than entering into another relationship-loop, we can transcend the worldly relationship patterns we’ve fallen back into countless times before and instead work together as mutually respecting, platonic friends—becoming each other’s eyes and ears, looking in while lending support or advice when it’s asked for.

I’ve accomplished a lot of much needed soul work, gravitating toward deeper fulfillment within myself and acknowledgement of what my soul’s here to accomplish in this life, while learning immensely from others and their unique paths. We help one another through the suffocating moments and darker times. Eventually, we realize that it’s never our job to abridge someone else’s evolution and, instead, we can offer support from the proverbial sidelines, as observers who can expunge judgements while sharing our own insights from personal experience.

Many soul mates have helped me identify and liberate deep, emotional wounds along with the guilt, resentment or other negative emotions surrounding it. I’ve been able to offer the same resolve for them through entirely unrelated insights, merely by remaining vigilant, open and giving. Upon arriving at this state of mind, heart and spirit individually, we are able to meet this person where they truly are—visit with their soul, absent the illustrious facade or illusion we’ve adorned them with since our original communion.

We’re learning to meet each other’s human essence, embracing that the timing relating to romance might be off but a chance at truly getting to know one another is just blooming. Transcendent soul mates abide by trusting communication and revelation of feelings as time goes on. It’s always a choice, whether both soul mates will agree to meet halfway for some resolution to take place.

Respecting boundaries, separation, space, and distance is crucial as well, because everyone is coping with or embracing different levels of affection toward themselves and others. We avoid undermining each other, because of our own limiting beliefs or compulsion to fix others rather than ourselves. We cradle each other’s fears and help ease each other beyond anxiety and stress. We offer to hold space and coax each other toward or away from the ledge, whether we’re preparing to leap or endure a looming transition.

Something that’s becoming second nature to me is trusting my gut instinct whenever I meet someone, where some form of attraction has drawn us closer together. Rather than being so agreeable and involving myself in a mutually disruptive connection, friendship or romance, I’m learning to maintain a degree of separation where such mingling so often becomes entangled, misconstrued or stifled. Instead, I am just letting the interactions between us develop or fall away more naturally over time—with an obvious threshold for space to grow or expand in any direction existing in-between.

Connections like this are forged over time. It requires immense humility and vulnerability to open up. It’s more meaningful to serve than it is to expect or receive, but whenever two soul mates reciprocate, immense respect and admiration is further tempered. There remains a journey standing between our self and another, a great divide which makes each reunion a fascinating retreat from life for a time. Two platonic, loving individuals can express themselves freely with each other at a verbal, mental, emotional and energetic or spiritual level—even sensually for some.

It’s my personal belief that no successful relationship can last without the foundation of friendship and mutual support being fostered first. Even then, we discover after a period that it’s best to remain sober from the intoxicating love chemicals while sorting out the truths that ultimately speak through our various channels of subtle energy transference. We learn to trust first in what our own intuition is communicating through us.

When the familiar patterns of toxic behaviors envelop us and we are confronted with those less desirable aspects of imposed-self, we’re granted an opportunity at communicating our truth while standing firm in our conviction and follow through. We search for integrity in the answers that arise from within and we share openly and directly, as best we can, how we’re feeling.

I’ve learned that sometimes, my individual wants or needs will never be met by a certain individual, despite whatever attraction is bringing us closer together. We face rejection, getting hurt or “burned” again because we’ve allowed our tender wounds to reveal themselves once more. But it’s right here where the miracle so often unfolds, and if we’re observant enough, we can strike while the iron’s hot—pinpointing where we have work to do on ourselves, while having our mates to rely on for any additional support. Sometimes we must love tough, because remaining honest is what liberates both parties.

We can forgo months or possibly years of toxic, stagnating relationship pitfalls if we choose instead to rise above our survival mechanisms, comfort zones and worldly desires to efficiently dismantle whatever karma was left standing from previous life encounters. Something else of incredible value that I’ve learned is how supportive soul mates can be over time, because of the investment in platonic love and detachment from the independent choices they’re making in life.

The responsibility lies in each individual’s hands, evolving through their karmic trials. There is more joy in being there for someone and opening up to them freely without feeling obligated to reciprocate expectations or become directly involved with the dramas, projections or patterns of the other. Sometimes, we’ll be a mess when we reach out to a mate and our turn will come when absolute composure, compassion and some degree of resonance is necessary to help a friend in need.

Different soul mates potentiate, disrupt, magnify, repress or scare separate layers of our overall makeup.

We’re here to observe space for one another, validating our struggles while offering our healthiest truths from that standpoint of authenticity. We’re dealt pain either way. We can decide if we’re going to engross others with our suffering or work through it independently.

Transcendence is pioneering a new frontier, and we’re creating the script as we go.


Author: Thayne Ulschmid 

Image: lloveart lloveart/Flickr

Editor: Emily Bartran

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