I’m in a new relationship.
It’s not that new, but it’s unlike any I’ve ever had. Up until now, I haven’t talked much about it to anyone. We’ve been pretty low-key.
I didn’t realize it was as serious as it was until I was talking to a friend about some of the challenges we’ve had lately.
I remember, when we first met, it felt like I had been introduced to a familiar stranger. We hit it off right away and became best friends.
He liked everything I liked, even the stuff other people thought I was crazy for liking. We went everywhere together, and I could tell him anything. He always made me feel like I was the most important person in the room and helped me feel safe even in uncertainty.
He’s been my biggest champion and has allowed me to see what’s really important in life.
But over the past few weeks, I’ve realized my perfect relationship isn’t perfect, and it hasn’t been something easy to face. I’ve felt sad at times…even angry.
We’re now past the honeymoon phase. I started thinking maybe we’ve been spending too much time together. Maybe we need to take a break.
Being with him all the time can be exhausting. I’ve also noticed that sometimes when I’m with him, I feel alone.
He’s given me so much, but can be opinionated and seems to know a lot about everything. He means well, but tends to point things out in others, as well as in me, that I’d rather not know.
After a recent argument, I questioned whether or not it’s worth staying together.
I think one of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship is when we can comfortably be ourselves and have the best brought out in us. Another sign of a healthy relationship is having healthy boundaries.
It never occurred to me that I’d need boundaries in this relationship, but like all relationships, I do.
I’ve always believed that if we’re meant to meet someone, no matter where we are in life, we will meet. What we do with the relationship afterward is up to us, but that I believe our meeting wasn’t by chance.
I also believe that our entire life is a spiritual journey, but there comes a point when we’re conscious of being on the path. I used to tell people that the greatest thing about the spiritual path is awareness, because it’s through our awareness we develop the willingness to make change.
Awareness is the very thing that leads to change, and change is exactly what I made getting into this new relationship—my relationship with awareness.
He (awareness) has been wonderful in so many ways, but if I’m going to be completely honest with myself, I have to be willing to look at the parts I haven’t wanted to see.
I’m very grateful for having met you, “awareness.” You’ve been a miracle in my life in so many ways. You aren’t like any other relationship I’ve had. I now realize the compromise we’ll need to make if this is going to last.
Thank you for all you’ve brought to my life, awareness. I’m truly grateful for what you’ve shown me and helped me to change.
The only certainty in life is, in fact, change, but growth is something optional. For this very reason, I want it to work. So I’m asking you for the space to grow.
You’ve expanded my mind and are now expanding my heart. It hasn’t been easy lately, but I’m willing to let my best be brought out.
To all those who have faced recent challenges in your relationship with “awareness”—it may not seem like it now—but your best is being brought out.
Author: Chris Tompkins
Image: Jeronimo Sanz/ Flickr
Editors: Deb Jarrett