I have the unique experience of being a heterosexual male hairdresser.
In that capacity, I have seen a lack of leadership and direction around what it means and how to be, a man. I see and feel the pain this has created for myself and others in my life. The pain of not showing up with depth, integrity, and power creates devastation in our relationships.
Being authentic in my power, masculinity, depth, and presence is a gift. This has transformed my life.
Studying in Australia for many years, having a coach, training in the U.S.A. over the past two years, and reconnecting with spiritual healing, have all allowed for massive growth and transformation in my life. The confusion I once felt about being a man, and how that looks, has now fallen away.
I now see the ideas I had about being a man were controlling, destructive, violent, fear-based, and abusive. It is these ideas that permeate our society.
I see no clear path showing what it means to be a man. I see confused, ambiguous, unsure men, directing and leading us. They’re not to blame.
As a man, I acknowledge I have been lost and it’s time for a new way to emerge. For me, that starts with honouring the path I’ve walked. Looking at my successes and failures, allowing new choices to emerge as I evolve, and navigate an unseen path.
Being a man is apparent in how I treat myself and others.
This becomes clearer when I look at my relationship to women. How do I really experience a woman? I realised I can feel her through my body and touch her heart in a way that honours her and myself. It’s a deeper connection when I devote, worship, and offer my authenticity. I do this through loving and honouring her, being deeply present, holding the integrity of my masculinity, and truly being a man with her.
I have worked closely, intimately, and passionately with women in my time as a hairdresser. In that capacity, I’ve seen many types of women. Without consciously knowing it, I was studying women. I was learning. I became aware of how the needs of so many women go unmet, and how a lack of awareness creates devastation in relationships. This can be changed.
I discovered solutions such as cultivating a willingness to inspect my behaviour, to be present in my body, and to acknowledge what comes up. I developed an awareness of the dynamics and flow in how women communicate. There are many signals that, at first, I overlooked.
A woman often communicates from a place of feeling. A response to something she deems hurtful may be, “You’re an a*shole,” when what she is really saying is, “When you communicate so abrasively, without consideration to the sensitivity that runs through my body, it hurts and is overwhelming,” or, “I’m scared I’m losing my relationship, and everything I value and cherish.”
The nature of a woman’s passion, sensitivity, and feeling is beyond what I know as a man. However, I know that my awareness of these parts of her allows me to understand her even more. When a woman is communicating from a place of intense feeling, she is doing her best to express all that is moving through her body in a split second. If I have behaved or spoken in a way that feels bad for her, she experiences me as an a*shole. So, she expresses that to me.
When I know where my partner is coming from, and how she experiences life, I can respond to the essence of her communication, and not react to the content. Knowing this totally changes our relationship.
My integrity in that moment is for clarity, purpose, and direction. Hers is to express fully through her body what she is feeling. When the two come together, the masculine purpose and direction can guide the feminine feeling and emotion and give clarity. The two of us then move forward in union, each fulfilling different roles, giving meaning and depth to our love.
This realisation changed my world.
Now, I can more clearly navigate my way through the stormy waters of my life and relationships. It’s not food, or game I desire to hunt, but consciousness, awareness, and love—recognised and felt through my body.
The hundreds of years my ancestors have spent honing their skills and instincts in the hunt for deeper love, deeper knowing, and greater presence. The key to this is cultivating my ability to communicate, to embody my feelings, be vulnerable, fearlessly be afraid, and lovingly open myself to be seen.
To communicate freely means to feel into my body and offer my truth. No holding back. A woman feels this long before I’m aware of it. When I start talking and my words don’t line up with what she feels in my body, she loses trust.
Chances are she will create chaos to tear apart the walls of deceit that hide me from truth. This is her gift to me. The expression of truth determines my value as a man. When I communicate truth, I deepen in knowledge, power, and presence. I establish trust. That is my gift to her. The unity is cyclic.
Imagine a world where the depth, power, and strength of love as men is present in the world. I stand for the full power of masculine love, strength, and integrity flourishing in the world.
It starts for me right here, right now.
Author: Rod Gordon
Editor: Lieselle Davidson