“For I shall be a star in a darkened sky.” ~ Marianne Williamson
~
A poem from a woman in love with a dead man.
It’s 11:30 a.m.
A full morning of
intermittent tears and
resistance and trying
to be better—not sad.
Because I’ve been that.
People say moving on is
what makes one strong.
I know it’s living with
that lie, non-defensively.
Being where we are—
that’s where we grow.
Yesterday, I saw sunshine
on the horizon. It’s there.
I cannot grab it like an
apple from a tree.
I have to hear me—the
broken, grieving, sad,
in-love-with-a-dead-man
woman that I am—
And be okay with that.
You would shame me for
grief? I would too, if I
hadn’t walked through
the fire before.
But I have. It’s a
fun house where labels
are useless, and what looks
like the last wave, well…
Some days I search for
the exit, or a respite—
in the fridge, I find cheese,
salami, pickles, and beer inviting.
But no, I pass on indulgence.
I respect my emotional body.
Today, I make a smoothie:
banana and blueberries,
cinnamon, kale, and coconut milk.
I make one good choice.
I swallow the life force
under three days of clouds.
I breathe deep and sigh.
I breathe deep and sigh.
I quit resisting. I’m human,
feminine, and sensitive.
I was graced with great love
at age 50, followed by
crushing loss.
But still, I’m here
to turn another page,
not presuming how
my story will go.
Only knowing:
It will go on.
I will go on.
~
Author: Alice Lundy
Image: Harlow Heslop/Flickr
Editor: Nicole Cameron
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