I love big—huge in fact.
My heart often feels like it is going to burst. The emotions wrap me up in their fullness, and I can’t breathe.
I love openly and honestly. It’s just what I do. It’s what I offer to the world. I’m not ashamed of it—or afraid of it.
It has made others afraid though, and I have spent a long time being ashamed and apologising for it. I realise now—it’s what makes me beautiful.
“You will always be too much of something for someone: Too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologise for mistakes. Apologise for unintentionally hurting someone—profusely. But don’t apologise for being who you are.” ~ Danielle La Porte
I wholeheartedly believe in showing up as myself—always. We often play small in love. We hide our true selves. We show up in ways that are not authentic to who we are because we are afraid the other person won’t love us the way we deserve to be loved.
I believe we meet people who call upon us to be great—and we meet people who encourage us to call upon ourselves to be great; to step up, to open to love without fear of rejection or pain, without conditions.
It’s a f*cking hard way to live.
Am I right? We have all met that person we thought we could just jump straight in with, only to find out they are unavailable, closed, cold, not ready, insert-some-other-lame-excuse here.
The truth is there is nothing you can do about that. No amount of pretending to be different or playing it “cool” could have kept the person. It may have delayed the inevitable, but they are not ready for you and you have to painstakingly let them go. They were always going to walk away despite the one million texts they sent you that said you were “the most amazing person they have ever met.” Talk is cheap. Action is gold.
“The right person will never ask us to become smaller…because great love always asks us to step up. To elevate ourselves. To challenge our limits. It always asks more of us. Great love is ready. Great love is ready—right—now. It meets us in the storm and isn’t intimidated.” ~ Vienna Pharaon
We owe it to ourselves to show up in the ways that feel good to us. We owe it to ourselves to believe we are capable of great love. We owe it to ourselves to believe that we are worth the “fight.” The right person will see that. The wrong person will always walk away. No amount of compromising or playing small will change that.
We spend so long questioning and wondering how we will know when this person arrives. This fear and doubt makes us hold on too tight to the people who are unable to show up. We continue to see people that don’t have the capacity to hold us and our greatness.
The universe hears you. The universe is sending you the person you dream of. Make space for them and in that space get to know yourself and love what you find. I promise you that there are people who are waiting for your great love with open arms.
I was told by my mentor that I would never meet the man of my dreams unless I become the woman of my dreams.
We need to become who we love and not who loves us. Becoming who we love requires effort. It is a process. It is so much easier to be who loves us, to be the person we know we need to be to make a relationship work. The work is in finding out who we are and then showing up as that, fully and unapologetically.
The people I love the most are the people who know who they are and are able to live that.
Does this mean you have to be perfectly whole in order to meet someone? No! But it does mean that you have to be perfectly you—in all of your beautiful imperfectness.
How do we set about knowing and being who we love? It takes time. It takes work. It takes courage. Take the time to:
1. Spend time with yourself. Go for long hikes in nature, sit by the ocean and write, meditate, or simply have a bath. Spending time alone is scary and, more often than not, this is when the fear creeps in, the “not good enoughs.” Remember, each time you ride the fear wave, you get a little stronger. You grow a little braver. Until one day you wake up and it no longer cripples you. You actually enjoy it.
2. Take your friends on dates. I love to plan adventures, eat at new restaurants, and watch movies. Sometimes I take myself on dates. Other times I take my friends. Exploring this world as a single person can be just as exciting and romantic as doing it with a partner. We just have to change the way we look at things. Who am I without a partner? What do I like to do? Where do I like to visit? How do I like spending my time?
3. Find a therapist. All hail my wonderful therapist. She got me through the dark sh*t. While I blamed the man for leaving, I ultimately knew it takes two to tango and, honestly, I struggled to be alone. I struggled for a long time. I wrestled with the fear and the demons. I never thought I would emerge from my bed and re-runs of Greys Anatomy. But I did—and I did it with her help. I did it because I faced the demons head-on and I learned. Boy, did I learn. I know I am a stronger woman for it.
4. Dream, dream, dream, and then dream some more. Write, paint, take photos, dance, collage—I don’t care what mode you use—just dream. Wildly and passionately. Allow your mind to become excited again. Allow your pain to propel you forward so that you can step more fully into who you are. Dream big. Don’t worry about the hows for now. Just get excited again. See the light again.
As Bianca Sparacino so beautifully wrote, “Be alone. Eat alone. Take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow. You will figure out what inspires you. You will curate your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
I love big. It’s what I do.
I am looking for a relationship where, ultimately, I can step into exactly who I am without fear or resistance. I want a revolutionary relationship based on two equals who love and respect each other immensely. I want a relationship that is free, honest, intimate, connected, and committed.
I want that for you, too.
Step into the fear. Love. Unconditionally. Live from the beautiful raw space in your heart—and expect your partner to do the same.
Great love is so worth it.
Author: Jess Colangelo
Image: Katia Romanova/Flickr
Editor: Lieselle Davidson