On any given day, I can face a plethora of opinions about my feminism or the choices I make as a woman.

I can get them from the friendly neighborhood cashier, a family member, or friend—even from the media.

I began a tongue-in-cheek list of all the things that feminist women literally don’t care about when it comes to other people’s opinions.

The list was longer than I originally expected, but it does illustrate all of the ways that society forces its expectations on women:

1. When others think we dress too young.
2. When others think our clothes are too modest.
3. When others think our clothes are too revealing.
4. When others think we dress too mature.
5. What others think about how we dress, period.
6. When others think we should wear our hair straight.
7. When others think we should wear our hair curly.
8. When others think we should wear our hair natural.
9. When others think we shouldn’t wear our hair natural.
10. When anyone thinks our hair is too short.
11. When anyone thinks our hair is too long.
12. Anything anyone thinks about our hair, ever.
13. Any mansplaining, about anything, ever.
14. Any mansplaining, about anything, ever (because this bears repeating).
15. What anyone thinks about our body hair, or lack thereof (clean shaven, natural, trimmed).
16. What anyone thinks about our reproductive choice to have kids.
17. What anyone thinks about our choice not to have children.
18. What anyone thinks if we choose to have one child.
19. What anyone thinks if we choose to have lots of children.
20. What anyone thinks if we choose to only have fur babies.
21. Anyone’s opinions on our single status.
22. What anyone thinks about our marriages (with the exception of cases of abuse).
23. What anyone thinks about our choice not to marry.
24. What anyone thinks about our dating choices (again, with the exception of abuse).
25. Anyone’s opinions on our sexual orientation—straight, gay, bisexual…
26. Anyone’s opinions on our gender identity.
27. Anyone’s opinions on our sexuality: celibate, polyamorous, multiple partners, monogamous.
28. Anyone’s opinions on how much makeup we wear.
29. Anyone’s opinions on how little makeup we wear.
30. Anyone’s opinions about how we don’t wear makeup at all.
31. Anyone else’s opinions about our body shape and size (with the exclusion of our health care providers in regards to health-related concerns).
32. What anyone thinks of the fact that we identify as feminists.
33. What anyone thinks about whether we choose to work.
34. What anyone thinks about our choice to be stay-at-home mothers.
35. Anyone’s opinions about whether we travel with someone or alone.
36. Anyone’s opinions about whether we breastfeed or don’t.
37. What anyone thinks about our emotions—whether we’re too emotional or not “feeling” enough.
38. Anyone’s opinion about our leadership skills based solely on gender.
39. Anyone’s opinions on our choice to use birth control or not.
40. What anyone thinks of our career choices.
41. What anyone thinks of our reading material (“chick lit” is an offensive category, by the way).
42. What anyone thinks of the language we use.
43. Anyone’s opinions on how we look (Read: we don’t care if anyone finds us attractive or not; our value is not lessened by anyone else’s opinion.)
44. Anyone’s opinions on our ethnicity/race with regards to any of the above.
45. What anyone thinks of our hobbies or interests.
46. When someone thinks we’re too feminine.
47. When someone thinks we’re not feminine enough.
48. What anyone thinks about us being too young.
49. What anyone thinks about us being too old.
50. Anyone’s opinions of how we live our lives.

We face so many challenges in our lives, that our gender, or gender identity, shouldn’t be one of them. It’s why I love this wave of feminism with its effort to be supportive and inclusive.

Do we, as feminists in general, sometimes fail at this? Without a doubt. But are we trying? Many of us are. We’re educating ourselves on white privilege and how it’s impacted feminist movements in the past, and we’re striving to do better.

And all around us, the world is sending out these messages of how we should look and act as women. Not only do we have to resist the pressure of this, we also need to learn to support one another.

When someone makes a statement that’s weighted down with misogyny, we need to clap back, even if the comment doesn’t apply to us. We need to be the biggest supporters for one another, lifting each other up, and lending our strength to each other and the cause of feminism.

Which, for those who only believe the stereotype of who we are, means that we’re fighting for gender equality, for pay equality, and for basic human rights. We don’t hate men. We aren’t trying to grasp at power for women to the detriment of the men of this world.

We’re none of those things, but frankly, we don’t really care if anyone thinks that we are. We will still keep supporting one another, working for the equality of all women (whether they support feminism or not), and educating the world about who we truly are.

But don’t expect us to care if someone thinks we’re wearing too much eye makeup or too little lipstick. And don’t think we’re going to tuck tail and run because someone thought our assertiveness felt aggressive because of their own deeply-ingrained misogyny.

As feminists, we’re all different, but that doesn’t mean we can’t support one another and work hard to secure equal rights for us all.

~

Author: Crystal Jackson
Image:Kendyle Nelsen/Unsplash
Editor: Sara Kärpänen