May 17, 2017

Dear Lover, maybe in the Next Lifetime.

“And before he walked away he whispered to me, ‘Just  because the timing is off does not mean you and I are not destined to be. There’s no end to our story.’” ~ Natalie Jensen


Some love stories are so great we need more than one lifetime to get them right.

I know that this isn’t our first try at coming together, but I was hoping that it would be in this lifetime that we finally got it right. There are human definitions of time, relationships, and love—and then there are soul descriptions.

We have come together more deeply in this lifetime than any other. But sometimes, “meant to be” doesn’t always mean “meant to be now.” It means that there’s a bittersweet connection that joins two hearts and holds them close.

If I can’t have all of you, I don’t want just a part of you.

There were moments when it was close. We seemed like we were going to be able to make the jump and give this a try. Yet, in the end, it never seemed to be a place you wanted to be. 

And I’m not sure what the next step is, or where to go to from here, but I do know I will see you in the next lifetime. More than that—I promise you’ll be the first one I search for.

It’s hard when something that feels so amazing just doesn’t work out, but the reality is—love isn’t enough. 

We could spin worlds around that ideal, but if two people are not in a place where they’re both willing to try, then it doesn’t matter what is felt. Ultimately, we always have a choice.

It hurts to think of separating from you now. I don’t know if I can envision a world where we become strangers once again. But, I also don’t know how to keep you close and not love you.

I don’t know how to forget about a love that changed my life.

Maybe, with time, I will come to see that you were nothing more than a stepping stone to a lesson that I needed to learn. I may find out that I’m not capable of loving another. Neither of us know if we’re making the right decision in this moment.

The only thing I know is: Even if it takes 100 lifetimes spinning through the unintelligible time of Kairos, I will find you.

Perhaps we will be younger and less involved in other life paths. Maybe we will find our way to each other easily, already rich with the lessons of this lifetime.

There are loves that define and change our lives and so, if our time is over, I have nothing to do but keep the promises I have made to you, kiss you goodbye, and wish you well.

You have changed my life and turned my world around. You woke me up to myself and gave me deeper love than I had ever hoped to receive. This is why it’s hard to believe that our connection will never have the chance to bloom in this lifetime.

Perhaps it will.

Maybe, one day, the stars will align and shift, and what seemed impossible suddenly becomes as easy as falling into your kiss. If that day comes, I will still be here—maybe. We know I love to run away from anything that hurts my heart—all in an effort to forget you. The difference, this time, is that there is no forgetting, so it doesn’t make sense to run.

There’s no way to know if this is the end or not, but I’m going to live as if it is, because having faith in love is exhausting.

Sometimes the universe conspires to bring two people together, but sometimes those two souls are not meant to stay together. I also know that I can’t chase you out of my life for my own selfish reasons.

There may never be another like you, but maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Sure, I could sink down into my feelings and wallow around wishing things were different, but I know that does no good. I not only owe it to myself to be happy, I owe it to you. What purpose would you have in my life, other than to help wake me up to my best possible self?

It seems a contradiction.

You will always have a special place in my heart and I believe in our connection. However, I refuse to let that define how I love from this point on. I can’t believe that you are my only chance at love in this lifetime.

You are my “once in a lifetime” which is whymaybe, I’ll only see you in the next.

You’ll know me by the way my green eyes sparkle and how delicately I take your face in my hands as I kiss you. You’ll feel my heart and know that, at one point in time, you called it home.

You will remember all that we ever were—but never actually got the chance to be.


Author: Kate Rose
Image: The_quick_nick/Flickr
Editor: Lieselle Davidson

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