July 1, 2017

Dear Lover, The Only thing I Want for You is to be Happy—Even if it’s Not with Me.


Maybe that’s how I knew it was true love—when the only thing I wanted was your happiness, even if it meant my heart became broken in that process.

I’m not a martyr for love, nor am I the dumb girl who just didn’t get it. The reality is, I’m half of an amazing connection, one where love is felt to toe-tingling depths and hearts flow free from judgement.

Somehow, without intending it, we’ve stumbled into the kind of love that most people only dream of finding in this life.

It’s funny I suppose, the ease that is now between us somehow feels better than I even expected it to. The quiet way I come to lean on your back or trace the muscles beneath your t-shirt with my fingernails while I’m curled around you, always just happy enough to be touching, and satisfied by the fleeting moments we share.

But I guess, that’s what happens when all we need is someone’s presence; where it’s just time that becomes the greatest commodity. After all, time fossilizes into memories, which will last forever even if we don’t.

The thing is that I do want you, more or perhaps in a way different than I have ever felt with a man before. It seems that you are the true compliment to my soul: Where I leave, you begin. Where you fall short, I’m there—carrying on our unique rhythm.

In truth, I know that I will never love another man like I do you. It’s your eyes I want staring into mine as life ages me into a graceful and wise crone—because I know if it’s you beside me that you’ll only grow to love the woman I will become according to fate’s watch.

I have no doubts, no questions, no lingering possibilities—but I am only one side of this union, only one part of this unfounded connection, and so the rest lies in your lap.

In my heart, I can’t imagine you choosing anything other than love, but we’ve yet to see the final curtain draw on this story that is far from a fairy tale—I don’t know what will happen, or what you will ultimately choose to do.

Because the reality is that you may choose another, not because she kisses you so deeply, or touches your soul in a way that makes it dance, but because of logic and sensibility, two qualities I will never be able to compete with, not that I’d want to anyway.

I may be a lot of things: Magic and stardust and all that, but I’ll never be the logical choice. And you’ll never be able to find an answer in black and white that supports the argument that us being together is the divine plan.

But, I don’t really want to be that anyway.

See, I always wanted to be the one who makes you believe in the kind of love you could only dream of. I wanted to show you what it truly felt like to connect with a woman so deeply that secrets weren’t needed in order to guarantee love. And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to show you the moon and all of the secrets she holds.

Yet, perhaps it’s all too much even as wonderful as it is. Maybe I’m not what makes you truly happy, or maybe I am, but you’ll still decide to cage your heart in elsewhere because of the “shoulds” and the reasons that really only echo of a lock and key to a sentence that you never did anything to deserve.

Regardless though, if my perceptions are accurate, or if they are only the lonely rumblings of a heart that misses you, I hope you’re happy.

I hope that whichever way you choose to walk in this life, you are met with every happiness and every ounce of love that you deserve—and if you do leave me, I pray that within the chaos of falling stars, I won’t be your last time experiencing unconditional love. It breaks my heart to think of that, because you’ve never deserved anything less.

But, this is your journey to walk, as I’ve already done mine and found that it led straight to you.

So, I hope you are happy.

Not just the kind of happy that turns our mouth into smiles, but the kind that feels like home, the kind that makes you feel at peace and that inspires you to be the man that deep down you know you were born to be.

If it’s not me, I hope she shows you the moon, and that you’ll still get to travel to far-off shores and be led blindfolded across banana leaves and soft blackened sand just so that your senses could come alive within the mystery of discovering a new place.

I hope she wakes you up in the middle of the night worshiping you and your delicious body in the way that you deserve. In my heart, I even hope that she looks at you like the leader and the warrior you are and that she never mistakes who you were with who you are now.

But perhaps most of all, I hope she sees you.

The only thing I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, and to awaken you to your own greatness. In my heart, I believe that there isn’t anyone else who would love you like I already, and so effortlessly, do. But I also know that just because I’m offering it, doesn’t mean you’ll accept it.

Maybe it’s fate, or rather it’s free will—I’m not quite sure of the difference, or if there even is one at this point.

But I love you, and that means the only thing I want is for you to be truly, earth-shatteringly happy—even if that ends up being found in the arms of another woman, because the only way that I know how to love you is with wings.

Not because I want you to leave, but because I know that some of us are simply meant to stay free.


Relephant Read: 

I Love You, but I Have to Let You Go.


Author: Kate Rose
Image: Pexels & @interracialguys Instagram
Editor: Sara Kärpänen
Copy Editor: Nicole Cameron
Social Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

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