July 10, 2017

Divorce: The 5 Things we don’t Talk About.


I thought I was going to get something at least close to “happily ever after” when I got married.

Life, as it turns out, had other plans.

What I have learned from my own divorce experience as I move through it, and the experiences of others, (so far) is:

Divorce happens in stages.

These stages are a lot like those of the grief cycle. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
The stages may happen in any order. Sometimes, just when I thought I was past one stage of grieving…Bam! The feels would hit me all over again.

Divorce comes with a lot of tears.

And I mean a lot. Having a safe place to voice myself has saved me. Not because I want to gripe about my ex, but because I need to talk about my feelings and sort through them in a healthy, safe manner. This support has come from friends who have gone through similar things as well as my amazing psych.

The experience of divorce is multi-faceted.

This is still one of the more painful parts of divorce. Layers of divorce include (some of which I never thought of until I was in the experience):

>> Social divorce 
>> Family divorce (losing relationships with the ex’s family)
>> Financial/economic divorce
>> Emotional distancing
>> Loss of intimate relationships
>> Loss of identity

Some of these I expected, but I underestimated the depth to which I would be impacted by them.

Divorce gives you the chance to reclaim yourself.

This has been both exciting and scary as hell. I find myself moving from we to me.

Divorce comes with the responsibility.

I have the responsibility of helping my children get through the divorce as healthy beings. My parents divorced when I was 13. More than anything, I wanted to express myself and have my parents listen without judgement. I try to give that sort of love and compassion to my children. The messages I give my children are:

>> I’ll take care of you. I love you. Always. 
>> The divorce was mom’s and dad’s choice, and it wasn’t one entered lightly.
>> I’m sorry that the divorce sometimes hurts you.

The thing people tell me over and over again—and I think they’re right, is: “You can do this. You will make it.”

So will you.



Author: Lindsay Lock
Image: UkgPhotographer/Flickr
Editor: Lieselle Davidson

Copy Editor: Callie Rushton


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