A post shared by Sarah Norrad (@sarah.norrad) on Aug 16, 2017 at 7:10pm PDT

Ease, true, sure, clear, warm, sweet, certain, rooted, passionate, strong, present, open, home…these are words that resonate with my feeling of love.

There are many types of ways to show and share love, but the one that registers with us at a deep level is the love we actually want.

When people talk of having a “specific type” of mate they search for, I become skeptical about their rate for relationship success and happiness.

The reason I question this form of romantic decision making is because, often, the person they describe as “their type” is quantified through the listing of physical or material attributes. And while these characteristics can play a part in a successful relationship, they miss the thing that makes the difference for lasting personal and emotional satisfaction—which is the experience of how we feel when we are around another person.

This means the love that is perfect for us may come in many different packages, but the feeling this person (and our perfect love produces in us) will not.

The feeling that we truly yearn for—that matches the thing our heart desires—does not change with time. I have seen this in the case of clients I sit with through my coaching and counselling practice. They come unhappy and wanting change, but what they are really after is the thing they originally sought when they thought they could have it all.

Unfortunately, we get disillusioned by the challenges of life, and we often give up on the frequency of love we naturally know to be our best.

If we want our “perfect love,” it is the vibration and experience of that person—and what we feel inside us when together—that we want to use to gauge whether they are the right fit or not.

As Emily Dickinson wrote in 1862: “The heart wants what it wants.”

Studies show that the feelings we would like to experience from love stay the same from our early years until our death. This information is based on Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” theory and is proof of our necessity for safety, belonging, and connection.

Everyone will have slightly different descriptors, but when I created mine, these words and feelings were at the core:

Ease, true, sure, clear, warm, sweet, certain, rooted, passionate, real, strong, present, open, home…

This is where relationships become not so ethereal, but rather scientific in nature. It means we can trust that the perfect love that we want is actually a biological need—and one we require to reach our highest potential.

When we are met with our type of love, there is a clarity and comfort of familiarity—and security. It will be as if we already knew this love, because we do. This love is the natural vibration that we consist of at our core. So really, it’s about aligning with and remembering who we truly are.

We create and know our ideal love inside ourselves first, and then, we meet it in relationship with others—because we can finally recognize it there.

Perfect love is not about the perfection of another being. It is a knowing—a “yes, this is me,” a home of expansion, a vitality that we can open up inside. Like Maslow explained: “It is the solid experience we move from when we have the nourishment that has met our basic requirements.”

That’s our love.

So first, we can live this feeling personally every day; we already encompass it—and when another person encompasses it too, being with them is easy.

True, sure, clear, warm, sweet, certain, rooted…

When we are experiencing this constantly within ourselves, an interesting thing that happens is that other types of love start to not be enough. A love that is work and a struggle starts to become unappealing. After all, why would we want to abandon the perfect vibration we know we have within ourselves?

Perhaps, one morning, we will wake up and decide that there is nothing that can get in the way of us feeling perfect love. Vibrate with it, and own it. That’s how we find our match on the outside.

Vibration likes other like vibration (“like attracts like”), according to an article published in Nature: International Weekly Journal of Science by John Lekner, a physicist at the Victoria University of Wellington in New Zealand. 

“When we arrive in our bodies, we immediately seek resonance,” says another vibrational expert, Dr. John Beaulieu. “Bodies are like tuning forks that vibrate in unison,” Dr. Beaulieu states in his article, Resonance with Tuning Forks.

So, to feel this love entirely, begin to eat, breathe, and dream it. Tell others what our perfect love is. Give this love to everyone we meet. Make it real.

In relationship, we often focus on what the other person is (or is not), and we try to change them to match the notion of the love we desire. This often fails.

What we need to do to know if someone is our ideal relationship match is to be ourselves and vibrate our love, and then see if what they offer mirrors that feeling.

Do they match us? Do we feel like ourselves—like our love in this relationship?

Ease, certain, strong, present, warm, home, true…

Scientifically, our ideal love is what we truly need and vibrate with.

Ease, true, sure, clear, warm, sweet, certain, rooted, passionate, real, strong, present, open, and home are the feelings I know are my best love.

Ask yourself this: What are the words that represent the feeling of your perfect love?

Then, begin each day stating those words—for we receive only that which we already intimately know inside of our self.

 

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Relephant:

Seven Ways we Lower our own Vibration without even Realizing It.

We will Finally Know Intimacy when we Know This.

 

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Author: Sarah Norrad
Image: Author’s own
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy editor: Callie Rushton
Social editor: Leah Sugerman