There’s nothing like electrifying, magnetic, passionate chemistry between two people.
Men say they need to feel that chemistry with a woman in order to have sex at all, but trust me guys, we need it even more.
It’s what seduces us and gets us to say “yes” when our minds are saying “no, not yet,” and it’s typically what keeps us coming back for more—even if everything else about the relationship is, shall we say, not meeting our needs.
We women…we talk a lot about sex. You’d be surprised. We sometimes get more graphic than men, but what we talk about is not what you think. We’re not divulging the size of your penis, or the sounds you make when you orgasm, or whether you talk dirty to us when we’re on the living room floor. (Well, we might—with our closest friends.)
No…what we talk about is what we want. What we long for. This goes not just for new relationships but for decades-long marriages and committed couples. Often, what we’re missing with someone we genuinely care about or have been in love with for years are the things that many men don’t realize we’re missing at all.
After talking to dozens of women—because, like I said, we women love to talk about sex—some common themes came up. Yes, we get that we need a lot to feel satisfied in the bedroom, but we’re complicated creatures and we like to keep you on your toes!
These were the the biggest things women considered essential to being satisfied in the bedroom:
1. An emotional connection.
The connection with us starts outside the bedroom. It starts with words and actions and the way you look at us. It starts with how intimate we feel when we’re with you in everyday life. Most of us can’t just lay on our backs once you decide it’s go time, get turned on, and give you our best. We need that emotional connection.
We want to feel that your heart (not just your d*ck) wants to be there with us. We want you to make eye contact with us once you’ve gotten us into the bedroom and when you’re inside of us. We want you to kiss us like you mean it…not just our lips but down the curve of our necks to the top of our breasts, the back of our hands to the small of our backs, and everything in between. Please don’t check out as soon you’ve gotten near our vaginas—which is where many men seem to lose focus.
When a man seems to be more into his own body and we see that you’re focusing more on your “performance” instead of us, we check out.
2. Longer foreplay.
Our chemistry can be off the charts, and our desire to have you make love to us pronto may be there, but we don’t necessarily want you to go there immediately and without more of what we need—foreplay.
Don’t underestimate how much women want and need it. We want to be teased. We need to be touched. And as much as our bodies may be telling you we want you now, it doesn’t mean we want you to give it to us yet.
Kiss us longer. Seduce us, tease us. Explore parts of our body that reside outside our breasts and ass. Ask us how we want to be touched, and about what feels good. Make us wait. And then, make us wait just a little bit longer. Take charge and run this show, baby…that’s a turn on! I promise the sex will be 100 percent better if you invest more time up front getting our juices flowing—until we’re clawing at the sheets and asking you to give it to us now!
3. Variety in your moves.
I’m not trying to be insulting, but many men have one move. Women jokingly refer to it as the “jackrabbit.” Found the hole, now I’m going to just bam, bam, bam, as I throw your legs in the air!
No, no, no. We don’t like this. Consider this move part of your repertoire, not your entire performance. I know we said we don’t want you to “perform” but you get where we’re going here. We want your hands to explore us even after you’re inside us. We want you to kiss us, caress our bodies, change positions, alternate the speed and direction of your thrusts, and sometimes even pause for a beat to say something ridiculously hot and sexy to us.
In, out, in, out—at one speed—that’s a no. Instead, try: in and out, circle it around, up and down, fast then slow, around again…brush up against our G-spot. Now you’ve got us!
4. Make it all about us.
Not every time. But every so often, go into sex with the sole intention of making it 100 percent about her. It makes women feel desired and special. It makes us feel secure in the knowledge that you aren’t just with us for the sex and to make yourself feel good, but because you’re into us and want us to feel good, too.
Go down on her with no expectation that she needs to return the favor. Give her a massage without it having to lead to sex at all. Trust me, nothing makes us hornier than a man giving us an unsolicited massage, so you’ll probably get what you’re hoping for. (Side note: This does not apply to male friends trying to get us into bed by the way. This is for couples already in a relationship!)
Take charge and do all the things you know she likes for as long as she wants you to do them. There’s nothing sexier or more arousing than feeling that a man wants to take care of our every need.
5. Pillow talk.
Yeah, I get it. You’re spent and you don’t feel like chatting up a storm once you dismount. Get over it. Catch your breath, grab your woman like a spoon, and try to muster up a few words of affection for her or at least a, “Damn girl, that was good!” When you just climb off of us and roll over, that doesn’t make us feel good. And when that happens, we’re not super anxious to go for round two with you.
You want round two? Go back to number one, rinse, and repeat. We’re all yours.
Author: Dina Strada
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Copy Editor: Callie Rushton
Social Editor: Waylon Lewis