After Alabama’s special election to replace Jeff Sessions’ former Senate seat, the vote came down to the wire, and the Democratic candidate Doug Jones won by a narrow margin.
I’ve never been so excited to use idiomatic expressions related to a horse when writing about politics.
So, hold onto your riggin’ and don’t get bucked! If you haven’t been paying attention to this rodeo, here’s a bit of background before I get to some sh*t kickin’!
On Tuesday, December 12th, the State of Alabama held a special election to fill the Senate seat vacated by Jeff Sessions when he was appointed by President Trump as United States Attorney General. The two candidates competing were Doug Jones, the Democratic candidate, and former Judge Roy Moore who served on the Alabama Supreme Court but had to be removed twice for undermining the rule of law, and ignoring the U.S. Constitution and the decisions of the Supreme Court of the United States.
To make matters worse, Judge Moore had numerous women step forward in the last month after a Washington Post story brought to light his sexual predatory behavior, pursuing girls as young as 14 when he was 32 years old. It was one hell of a story in the context of the #MeToo movement that is dropping powerful men like flies in 2017. Time Magazine even recognized the women, The Silence Breakers, who have been stepping forward as Time’s Person of the Year 2017.
On the other side of this rodeo is Judge Moore’s competitor, Doug Jones, who is best known for upholding the rule of law. He served as a U.S. Attorney and prosecuted the Ku Klux Klan members responsible for the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama that killed four little girls. Spike Lee made a documentary that told their story in 1997, “4 Little Girls.”
Jones won his case against the KKK and justice prevailed—just as it did last night when he became the first Democratic Senator elected in the reddest of red states, Alabama, in over 25 years. He single-handedly brought down Trumpism and Steve Bannon’s populist plutocratic politics in the State of Alabama. Now, despite the Alabama Republican Party’s appeal to Moore to concede the election, Moore refuses to do so.
And, that’s where I get back to some sh*t kickin’. Here’s my message to Judge Roy Moore, who rode his horse to the polls to cast his vote and lost. The people rejected his right-wing, Christian, extremist views and renounced the man who has failed repeatedly to abide by our nations laws, and now fails to listen to the voices of the people of the great state of Alabama. I’ve made the message simple since Judge Moore doesn’t seem to get complexity. So, saddle up and get ready to ride.
Judge Roy Moore, it’s time to get off your high horse, stop beating a dead horse, saddle up, and get over your loss to a dark horse, Senator Doug Jones. Concede!
You sure did put the cart before the horse in this election, didn’t you? And, you led your horses to water, but they didn’t drink; they could smell the bullsh*t. Concede!
My advice, Alabama style: saddle up one last time ’cause you’re gonna get to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth all day long today, Judge Roy Moore. Concede!
You lost, along with your most avid authoritarian fan and populist plutocratic supporter, Trump! We all know that your ethics, along with Mr. Trump’s, are a horse of a different color, so stop horsing around. Concede!
Roy boy, don’t hold your horses, and don’t even think about going to the mall so you can make hay with more teenage girls to console yourself. Concede!
It surely is time to put your horse out to pasture. And please, don’t make the state of Alabama, or the GOP, get those wild horses to drag you away. Concede!
Alabama ain’t no one-horse town anymore, like you thought. Concede!
Doug Jones just rode in—excuse me, Senator Jones—just rode and he’s the new Sheriff in town. Concede!
Now, Alabamians are chompin’ at the bit for you to ride off into the sunset of your sordid history, so giddy-up cowboy. Concede!
It’s obviously what the Lord wanted. As you said, “the Lord sure does work in mysterious ways,” don’t he, cowboy? Concede!
Better start hoofin’ it to that special place in hell! Satan has a warm, cozy fire waiting to warm you up. And, before you go, don’t forget to—as we’d say around them there parts—get the hell out of dodge!
Author: Dr. Matthew Wilburn King
Image: Wikipedia Commons
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Copy Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Social Editor: Waylon Lewis & Nicole Cameron
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