May 29, 2018

Dear Lover, let’s Make a Plan for Love.

While spontaneity can sweeten the mundane, there is just something about a man who may not have planned to fall in love with me, but now finds himself wanting to plan a life with me.

I understand that saying “plan” implies some certainty, but life may or may not allow these plans to occur—because, well, that’s how life is sometimes. But that doesn’t mean that it’s futile to create a map of our future together.

See, I suppose there’s just something about a man who wants to plan with me—something about a man who sees me in his handful of tomorrows and knows that it doesn’t matter what may occur, as long as I am the one he hopes will be beside him.

There is a sexiness in planning—in hearing “I’ll pick you up at seven…be dressed for anything”—or in dreaming together about what the years might bring, if only to have it become the scaffolding of reality. I understand that I may have been accidental—that you never planned for me, so how could we plan for a life together? But as a woman who feels her value down to the tips of her bare toes, I need to know that the man I am investing in truly understands my worth.

Let’s dream under the stars together and then fit them into our corners. Let’s imagine how our love will change us and all the adventures we could go on together. Let’s plan—not to end bitterly on some day when I turn and leave after begging you for the only thing I really needed, but that you seemed never able or willing to give; instead, let’s plan for forever. Let’s plan for love, happiness, evenings under the full moon, and days spent in the brilliant sun, where the foreign languages become the sonnets of our kiss and the taste of new cities become the fragrance of our journey.

Let us plan to supersede anything we’ve ever expected to experience in this life; let’s plan to make the world a better place, to change it, to let love in again. Let’s plan to help those less fortunate than us and those places on this earth that even God seems to have forgotten. Let’s dance in and out of reality—and perhaps along the way we’ll find Neverland, or maybe just the secret to life.

Let’s grow our wings and fly—not because we aren’t free already, but because there is something about a soul that was just born to live. I suppose in many ways the ability to plan is to foresee a life—or at least, it’s about having the hope of such a life becoming reality.

I know that we both have been turned around and dropped on our knees more times than we can count, and I know that there are a million reasons to not try—not to love again or take a risk by planning, only to realize our plans were never meant to occur.

The truth is that if we don’t plan for our future, then we’re really just planning for the end.

We’ll be like everyone else; my ultimate fear of course that in the ambiguity we’ll slip through the cracks, and “someday” will eventually become “never,” and I’ll remain just a whisper of a woman who was the only one you ever loved that you never actually wanted to try with. The only woman never to be worth taking a chance on—and so, perhaps planning doesn’t sound lively or free, but in truth, it’s the foundation for liberation.

So, let’s plan together, my love.

Let’s plan for sunrises in Kenya and the northern lights in Iceland. Let’s plan for quiet nights where the tree frogs serenade us with their own private songs, and where we forget there is a world outside of the space between your heart and mine. Let’s plan to not plan, because we don’t know ultimately where we will end up, but we can still plan to be there for each other—a rock in any storm we might encounter, because the world does have a way of swirling in chaos, only to stop when our eyes meet one another’s.

I can’t guarantee you anything other than my heart. I can’t guarantee we’ll always have good days, or that my demons won’t roar louder than your love, but I can plan to still be there doing life with you. But I suppose the thing about a man wanting to plan with a woman is that he’s signing on to do life with her—he’s making a commitment to explore the world and their individual journeys together.

It’s not labels that will ever define us, but the heartfelt choice to be all in. To risk everything for something we never even knew was possible, because not choosing it (or one another) became impossible. Any maybe you don’t feel you have anything to offer—but when do we ever feel ready to take a leap of faith? To experience something we never even could have dreamed of?

The thing is, my love, that while I can see you being a part of a thousand sunrises and late nights surrounded by fireflies and the scent of wisteria, if you don’t see me in your tomorrow—then that’s okay. If I am nothing but a shooting star across the sky of your life, then its fine to just gaze at my light while I grow further and further away; it’s okay to watch me, but never join me.

Because my heart is meant for love, and my life is meant for a warrior—a man who will stand up to me when I need it and hold me close even when I realize I don’t. There’s a space open—not because I am lacking, but because I am so full. And perhaps, while some plans can’t ever really be made, the truth is that sometimes it’s just a matter of deciding that we want to.

And, my love, while I could never have planned for you—I’m ready to take a chance and plan for our life together.



I Just want to Live Happily with Someone who Loves Me.


Author: Kate Rose
Image: Unsplash/Toa Heftiba
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Copy editor: Catherine Monkman

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