No matter where we stand today as women, no matter the evolutionary path we are, more or less we have all come confronted with the big themes of our society regarding men and women dynamics, and if it was not us, it was next door woman, our best friend, or someone that we don’t even κnow, but we heard her story because women’s story take bones and flesh nowadays as women reclaim their voices.
Leading women circles I can say that in these circles someone can hear the most extraordinary stories. Some of these will fill your heart with joy, and proudness, other stories will make your ears hurt. Women talk about their own stories, the stories of their female ancestors and those women around them. Always it is a deep healing process. We found redemption when we dare to speak out the unspeakable. When we come out with the shame and pain, we transform it into power. And maybe this is our most strong weapons, our voices, and our circles.
Women many times use to ask me what to do, although I never claimed to be an expert in the matters of the heart. So many times I use to tell them stories.
This story is about a woman that I know for many years. I walked next to her in a way, I am the witness of her life.
This woman grows up in a village in Crete in a village in very traditional family but she was strong and determined enough to leave the village and make a living in the city earning her own money. For those times this was a very big challenge for women in her community. She was and still is a very beautiful woman. It was in her destiny to meet a man that she deeply falls in love with. That man was a good man, with a good heart but with a huge ego. Whenever things were not going well between them he used to say “this is who I am”, and that’s how all conversations ended. His choice not to work on himself directed in a way all her choices. Their love was mixed with passion and epic fights and her life become more or less a repeated drama, a soap, like the ones that she used to watch with a dependent need in TV, this was her drug. She was hoping for the future, and that hope postponed any decision he could take for herself in the present moment. And this postponement lasted forever. There was love between them, there is always love, but it was a kind love she had just accepted for herself because she was afraid to take the responsibility of her life and walk away. The small society would judge her, and this wasn’t something her parents would approve of. But at the end of the day, it is always a matter of Self-love. With the years going, the power of her healing love started to fade away. Her power was to remove the dust from people’s hearts… But in the end, what happened to her was to cover with tones of dust her own heart. She still has the man, but she has forgotten who she is.
This woman was and still is a strong example in my life. She showed me clearly what can happen when you give up your power and your will to a man and the suffering that comes along with it.
There are layers of this which we call love. And every relationship with another person reveals to us where we really stand in relation to our self-love, and each occasion is an opportunity for deepening into our own love.
As you understand I can’t tell you really if a man is good for you or not. Because only you know your own worth. What matters is how much you value yourself. Define your self-worth, define your self-love. what is good or not good for you depends on that. What worths to be in your life and what doesn’t. Any kind of relationship is an investment, what worths your energy and what doesn’t, you know.
But I can tell you that you can have the most of it, embracing your power and who you really are. People who can’t cope with that, for sure are not good for you unless you want to be a decorative plant by a man, lowering your inner fire and have a conservative life, but this is fine too if that makes you really happy.
But if you desire to be loved ultimately, first of all, choose you, and then choose a man who can actually see and embrace who you are. Fan your own flames, and water yourself with your own light. Be the queen of your own kingdom and cherish yourself at all times. Then by living your life and walking your path, will find you what you deserve and what is good for you.
Make yourself a love magnet for all the good things to come.
Lovers may come, lovers may go. Keep the place you stand unattached, solid, and transparent. A man who truly loves you will never demand from you to leave this place. Instead, he will lose himself in you willingly because his love for you has awakened deeply his soul.
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