The grooves of my fingers
fill with life, like a monsoon,
I am giving more of myself every day.
There are times, I wonder
how there is anything left
in my body because I’d give
every last cell to see you smile.
My organs serve at the alter
of Egyptian Gods, mummify me
if it means you’ll breath again
and if it means the trauma
will fade from your eyes
like the tide that comes and goes
with the cycle of the moon.
Wounds never heal but at the surface,
underneath is where pains hides
like a old lover, making a home
inside your bones, building a family
and tearing it down again.
Violence isn’t a game but rather
a determined virus infecting
every last movement, dancing
is something I never do anymore.
I got tired of partners stepping
on my toes and anyway,
I have too much work to do.
If I stop, the ground won’t stabilize
under the unsteady feet of children.
If I stop, I feel the weight of hope
lingering inside my chest.
I don’t have a heart but I have hope.
I cling to it like I used to hate
clinging to my mothers hand
as we crossed the road on the way to school.
There are so many hands to hold,
hands that have never been held with love.
Every time I feel like I have no more to give,
I remember I can’t give any less than what I have inside me.
I am a well that looks dry
but I will always have something for you to drink.
I save it for you and leave nothing for myself,
my therapist says I have poor boundaries.
I think there should be no boundaries
between the souls of human beings,
no boundaries between countries
or men or women, or children
but those that keep sadness at bay.
I will be a boundary like a barbed wire,
let me keep you safe, keep the bruises
from littering your body in the name of romance.
And if you feel alone,
if you ever feel completely alone,
my fingertips are just in reach.
I am only one person,
who doesn’t know how to fix herself
but I will do my best to be a horizon for you.
Look to the future with me,
there is a light shining and the only way to reach it is forward.
March, beat your chest in tandem
with our combined footsteps,
scream at the sky you deserve,
never look back to the fading red sunset,
never doubt, never dream that I am not here with you,
fighting to live again.
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