February 16, 2019

The Biggest way we Self-Sabotage (& how to Stop).


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Have you ever struggled with self-love?

Does it seem like you’re “blocking” others from loving you? Do you find it difficult to “unplug” and be truly present in the moment?

This inner conflict and disconnect with presence is an epidemic in our society. Not only does it affect us, but we see our children falling victim to the comparison trap too. We have to stop and wonder: are we feeding into chronic insecurity by filtering our reality through a screen? What happens when we log out of our devices and come face-to-face with our here and now?

Is your newsfeed starving your self-esteem?

The best place to start with this topic is to truly understand the problem. Short answer: using social media to escape reality and feed fear-based thoughts instead of using it to connect and share from a heart-centered place.

We can all agree that there’s a major phone/social media dependence and even addiction problem. Sadly, a big part of that involves scrolling through illusions that plant seeds of insecurity about of how we “should” look, how our lives “should” be.

This leads to dissatisfaction. The dissatisfaction begins to create a disconnect from our own hearts. It even alienates us from others energetically, because our heart resonance becomes so low in the digital social setting that it translates to the real world.

When we view images that trigger a low-vibrational response like jealousy or judgement—it leads to negative feelings about our appearance, our “status,” and all the ways we don’t seem to “measure up.” As a result, we enter a fear-based mind-set, disconnect from the heart, and struggle to love ourselves completely.

Self-love so easily goes by the wayside due to social media sabotage, like a muscle that we neglect to train. As we constantly saturate our conscious awareness with low-vibrational thoughts and feelings about our body image or our life in general, we can fall victim to anxiety and depression. And yet we still keep logging on, participating in the same toxic patterns, and going back for more!

Comparison is the thief of joy.

It’s true, we’re swimming upstream against a strong current of comparison.

There are so many more sources to trigger insecurities and the “I’ll be happier when…” inner dialogue than ever before.

We are bombarded with 400-600 advertisements every day! It doesn’t help that we live in a world of on demand filters and Photoshop that skew our expectations and perceptions of reality even on the home front. Our friends and contacts display heavily edited lives on social media. Our screens are packed with perfect images that challenge our feelings of worthiness and self-esteem on a daily basis.

This feeds the assumption that we are fundamentally flawed and need improvement to measure up.

Many people spend over four hours a day on social media and fall into that comparison trap. Comparison steals our joy because it lies. It whispers all the ways we are broken. It sends us on a spiral of asking why. Why am I this way? Why can’t I have what so-and-so has? Why do I always fail? Asking why never supplies an answer. It only keeps us focused on all the things that are wrong and the “conditions” we put on loving ourselves. Can you relate?

Why is this such a problem? Stuck in a “lack mentality,” we remain unsatisfied because we have trained our minds to look for the negative—even when things are going well. The thought patterns we entertain and the words that we speak hold great power. Our thoughts shape our reality. We begin to believe the lie that we are not beautiful, not worthy, not smart enough or successful enough, and the universe responds to our negativity with events that confirm our belief.

Studies show that only four percent of women worldwide consider themselves beautiful. Think about all the amazing women in your life, your family, or those that inspire you. Are only four percent of them beautiful? Of course not! I want to show you that we do not have to let the pressure to look or live a certain way determine the amount of love we are able to receive, especially from ourselves.

We must love ourselves first.

One of the subsequent issues of this social media fueled self-love shortage: we look for love in all the wrong places. You may even feel you’re “blocking” healthy, loving relationships from your life.

There’s an emptiness and energetic “dullness” that occurs when we are out of balance due to our fear-based habits. Our thoughts and emotions lie to our heart, saying self-love is milestone dependent. But there is never a magical partner, purchase, promotion, or last pound lost that will summon self-love or love from others. Refusing to love yourself and mentally “beating yourself up” because you haven’t attained your ideal life is a form of self-abuse.

Until this disconnect is resolved, we cannot attract a soulmate or other healthy relationships. We must nurture our relationship with ourselves and step into our most authentic self before we can effectively nurture a relationship. This takes patience! We may have to take some serious time to do some soul-searching.

Consult the “mirror of our heart.”

Using external measurements of worth inevitably leaves us needing more external validation. The mirror only reflects our current appearance. The scale only measures our body mass in relation to gravity. Social media influence should not have authority over our perception of ourselves. We give so much power to these systems, and we must take it back.

Self-love and empowerment shine from within. The mirror of the heart reflects what is most precious. When we gaze on this mirror, we become aware of the wealth of who we are. Who we are is not skin-deep. As we learn to see past the mirage of perfection, we no longer have to be bound by social media-skewed expectations.

We don’t have to completely unplug to ensure we remain heart-centered and avoid the comparison trap.

Here are 10 tips for heart-centered social media engagement:

1. Send love and light to each person that comes across your social media platforms.

2. Set a time limit on your daily social media usage and enforce it with limits like the “Screen Time” app. Absolutely no screen time two hours before bed!

3. Check in with yourself before you go on social media and ask yourself, “what is my intention?” and only move forward if you’re in a heart-centered space.

4. When you feel comparison or judgement creeping in when you’re online, remember there is no such thing as perfect, everyone is fighting their own battles behind the scenes. Log off and repeat the mantra: “I am abundant, I am blessed, I am love!”

5. Instead of being at the mercy of what your newsfeed or dashboard puts in front of you, think of family members or friends and purposefully check in and engage with them.

6. Energetically cleanse yourself (smudge, bath, meditation) after a negative social media experience instead of letting the negativity linger.

7. If you find yourself feeling an unhealthy attachment to your phone/social media, do a “social media detox” and log off for at least a week to reset and recharge.

8. Instead of feeling “less than” as you scroll through social media, because you see that someone has something you want, feel “activated” to see what’s possible for you to achieve!

9. When you log off social media, reconnect with the present moment fully by taking some deep breaths and “grounding” by feeling your feet in connection with the floor.

10. Instead of scrolling in silence to observe what your friends are up to, set up an in person get-together to connect and catch up.

Remember, our value is priceless because we exist. We are here, at this time, for a purpose that is larger than we could imagine. Our potential is only limited by the dreams we carry deep inside.

The universe is calling for our unique talents—listen. Be present. Remain heart-centered. We are all destined for so much more.


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