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September 13, 2019

Cleaning Up The Mess Together.

I got a little stuck this morning….Stuck on the photos section of my computer. I couldn’t take my eyes off of my children. I couldn’t help but think of how lucky they are to have each other, and what a blessed momma I am. I also couldn’t help but feel the sting in my heart when I think of what they have been through.

No matter how much you want divorce, or how “well” it goes, the children get jipped. There is no getting around it. Holidays, birthdays, friends, family vacations – it all changes. Maybe a little for the better, but mostly…not.

I love our family. I even love my ex husband. It is a different love now, but I certainly care and will always have his back. We do the best we can. We are cordial to each other’s new partners, we do holiday stuff as one unit whenever possible, and we purposefully put one foot in front of the other, and always think of how our choices in this new chapter will effect the kids. We aren’t perfect and we have had our meltdowns…but we try our best. We try and we try and we try. That’s what we all do in every area, right? Hopefully, we are simply trying our best. Or as I like to say to my children, our “bestest”

Life is messy for sure. Sometimes it’s, messy I fell face first in the mud kind of mess. (that’s the painful mess) Other times it’s the, I had a huge party and now there are tons of dirty dishes all over and beer bottles to be picked up kind of mess. (that’s the fun mess) We’ve got to roll with it, baby. (quote from Steve Winwood, unintentional)

I am pretty sure that is how the positive attitude works…we’ve got to smile and laugh it off sometimes. Let’s face it, life’s little surprises are sometimes so ridiculous, it’s funny. Maybe that’s just me? Maybe I’m nuts and I am laughing out of insanity?? If you are a good friend, please let me know if I have simply lost it. Although, if I am not hurting anyone, maybe just let it go.

As of this morning, I am hurting over a few things in life. Relationships have ended, a good friend just lost her brother to cancer, another friend is going through a painful divorce, my career has shifted once again because my children’s needs changed and they come first, my stepdad has to endure some painful surgeries this week, my mom’s arthritis is becoming debilitating, and I could go on and on.

I am here though. I am in front of my computer, which I am fortunate to have, with my lukewarm cup of tea. Yes I wish it was still hot, but that’s not the point. I’m here. I’m here for a reason. I am here with an ability to love others deeply and care. I am here to help my friends and family navigate through the hardships and celebrate coming out on the other side. If for one minute I think I am going to lose it because life threw me a curve ball, I can look around and remind myself, I am not the only player in this game. We are all in it, and hopefully in it together.

When I was in high school, I had a tight knit little group of friends. We bonded and were drawn to each other because our family lives were similar. (messy) I am certain we didn’t think about that much at the ages of 14-18. We just liked each other. But birds of a feather flock together, whether on purpose or not.

We had each other’s backs. Due to our not so healthy homes and our rebellious behavior, we needed it. We were practicing for life’s bigger trials that would punch us in the gut down the road, but we didn’t know it. We were simply a sisterhood and protecting each other was an unspoken thing that just happened naturally. Having a bad day and need to skip a class? I’ll skip with you. Broken heart and need to get out? Come over. We willgiggle,watch a movie, and maybe sneak out tonight….no conversation about what is wrong – I’ll just be there for you.

Our problems got bigger, much bigger, but the reaction is the same. Our time is so greatly limited now with jobs and children. Our friend list has grown too. It changes as we need it to. But we all practiced. We got ready for the big game while we were young and everything felt like the end of the world. When a friend at age 16 called and said, “Come over now. He broke up with me and I don’t want to live,” and I ran over as fast as I could to try to convince her he was an idiot and all would be fine, I was in training for the call I would receive when she found out at age 41 she had cancer. If we are fortunate enough to have friends, and a heart, we will repeat this over and over.

The good news is, we will also celebrate over and over. We will run to each other when it hurts, and run again when we cannot contain our joy because we made it through. Wow, do we love those moments! That is truly the good stuff. If you do not have a circle that rejoices when you rejoice, please find a new circle. Be careful of people who only want your company when you are in the dumps. You need friends who are there through it all…good hair days and bad hair days. ?

This weekend I will be attending a hopefully, raucous girls’ night out. After doing a little writing about life this morning, I am extra thankful for the get together in a couple nights. I can see the guest list in my head, and can think of something each extraordinary woman has been, or is going through. Whoever needs to talk, will share to get it off their chest, and we will pour the wine and listen. We will also laugh, dance and act silly so we can forget about those woes for a night. Some are old friends, others are new. At our ages now, the length of friendship doesn’t matter. What matters is who will throw us the life preserver without a thought, when we are drowning. I know I will..anytime. It is my greatest privilege in life.

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