October 18, 2019

If it Feels off, it’s Off: How our Intuition Helps us set Healthy Boundaries.

I’m hard-wired to read the energy of the people, situations, and places around me.

My intuition antennae, my inner GPS, is firmly switched on.

My abilities developed during childhood so using my intuition has been second nature since then, and it has helped me set healthier boundaries, or at least develop those boundaries.

Our boundaries keep us safe, healthy, and well. The ability to hold the line of our boundaries is fundamental in terms of a balanced mind, body, and soul. Without healthy boundaries, we’d be vulnerable to all types of manipulation, whether physical or emotional.

In a physical sense, if someone tried to cross the line by physically attacking me, I’d have to fight back to “hold the line.” In an emotional sense, if another person tried to cross the line through manipulative words, I’d “hold the line” by saying, “No” and removing myself.

Emotional manipulation can be anything like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or a general attempt to make you feel bad about yourself. So, I had to practice holding my line until it became a habit and a natural instinct, like my intuition.

For example, I had a dreadful experience with a boyfriend many years ago. He used to say things to try to make me feel bad or take responsibility for him, and I just couldn’t protect myself. I did manage to end it, but it went on and on until he latched on to someone else. That wouldn’t happen now. I’d see it coming, and I’d hold my line like my life depended on it.

If someone is pushing my boundaries, my inner alarm system rings the bell through feelings and sensations in my body.

So, I should know when something is off, right?

Unfortunately not. My ability to hold the line didn’t lie in developing my intuition due to an experience I had as a child.

You see, like too many people in this world, I was the victim of childhood sexual abuse. I was forced to swallow and live a lie for 30 years of my life, due to what can only be called extreme emotional manipulation. My sense of the line was muddled, and it took years to heal and rebuild the connection between my line and my intuition.

From my experiences and the many other victims whom I have spoken with over the years, a lack of healthy boundaries is one of the many side effects of childhood abuse. The emotional manipulation we experience seriously affects our ability to protect ourselves as we walk through life.

Thankfully, I’ve never had a problem holding the line physically since then. My experiences meant that in a situation where someone tried to emotionally manipulate me, my inner alarms would sound, and I would be thrown into immediate confusion since my childhood conditioning was incongruent with my intuition.

Should I really feel like this? Am I right to feel like this? Can I say no? What will happen if I say no?

My intuition and conditioning would clash, leaving me in a state of confusion, energetically frozen, and unable to respond either way. All of this happened on a subconscious level.

In reality, I would feel stunned, ungrounded, and unsure of myself. Only by walking away from the situation could I try to make sense of what had happened.

I couldn’t go back and hold the line.

I suffered from delayed reactions.

I was vulnerable to having my emotions manipulated, which was a massive drain on me.

Developing my boundaries has been the area of self-development where I have struggled the most, yet the results have been the most beneficial. The ability to hold the line is a game-changer if you want to lead an authentic and happy life.

During my healing process, I made a leap forward when I decided to listen to my body in terms of what my intuition was telling me, despite the clash with my thoughts and fears.

If anything felt off, it was off. While I didn’t quite trust my intuition at first, through experience, I soon realised that in most cases my intuition was bang on the mark.

As I developed my trust in my intuition through real-life experiences, life became easier to navigate.

Every time I listened to my intuition and to what my body was telling me, I held the line and said no when I needed to. With every no, I strengthened my conviction to listen to my intuition and develop my boundaries. My logical side (i.e. my conditioning) changed as it became clear that my intuition could be trusted.

On the other hand, your intuition will also tell you when something is right. If it feels good, it’s good, even if your thoughts and fears tell you otherwise.

Listening to your first gut instinct in any situation will tell you everything you need to know.

So, if you struggle to hold the line as far as your boundaries, for whatever reason, listen to your body, your intuition, your inner alarm system.

If it feels off, it’s off. Hold the line, put up your walls.

By saying no to others, you’ll finally say yes to you.

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