November 22, 2019

Conscious Relationships are the way through Toxic Masculinity.

You may be aware that patriarchy and an incomplete model of masculinity are largely responsible for many of the challenges that we face in our intimate relationships.

Fortunately, one thing we can rely on is that nothing (that is alive) ever stays the same. The old makes way for the new, and change happens. Slowly, unnoticed at first like a seed putting out roots into the dark seclusion of the earth before showing itself above the ground, men are awakening and a new model of masculinity is being birthed, infused with the sacredness of life.

These roots are growing, and more is beginning to be visible above the ground now. Though there is still a lot of work to be done, I find myself connecting more with other men who are nurturing their own sacred masculinity. I hear of more men going to counselling and other healing interventions and having the courage to make the epic journey from their heads back to their hearts so that they can really love their women.

But it’s important not to take our focus off the need for the mutual responsibility between men and women while we return to a deep, loving union. As a result of generations of distorted masculinity, men have much work to do, but women also have their part to play by investing in their own healing, growth, and transformations.

If we are to create more beautiful, loving, intimate connections, men and women must dissolve the barriers present in their relationships with each other; they must dissolve their internal masculine and feminine shadow work. Both genders will carry internal wounds of their masculine, or yang, aspects just as women and men both have work to do on their internal feminine aspects. This healing work is essential if we want to know the possible depths of love beyond what we have been led to believe by Hollywood’s version of love, codependency thinly masquerading as love.

A conscious relationship is a powerful, fast-track way to facilitate this internal work. You can do so much of your inner work while you are single, but in relationship with another, you will find that everything is fast-tracked and catalysed. Any residual fear that still resides within will be revealed through an intimate connection with another. Or put in another way, love will bring everything that is not love to the surface to be transformed and cleared. There is a particularly challenging part of this journey that is present for me and that is trust.

This shows up for me in a myriad of ways in which my egoic mind tries to convince me not to give up control and surrender myself deeply to loving and being loved by my partner. It is clearly evident when I don’t fully trust her. Through trusting her fully and not listening to the false, self-protecting advice of my frightened mind—that insists that she is not to be trusted—I am dissolving all the old unconscious beliefs that I was hanging onto, and I regain my authentic power. When I can stay in the present without being triggered by my old pattern of mistrust, she trusts me a little more. The edges of our separation dissolve, and we come together more intimately.

I am finding this is a particularly challenging part of my journey because my mother died when I was a baby, and my stepmother was angry and unkind much of the time. As a result, a deep-rooted belief was formed in my unconscious that said, “Women are not to be trusted.” I find that when I’m not mindful, I can easily slip into projecting this mistrust onto my partner. But the truth is that she is bringing to the surface the unresolved feelings behind the mistrust. In this way, I have been gifted an opportunity to embed new healthier beliefs around women and live from the present rather than seeing everything through an old, distorted lens of fear.

I choose to have the courage to trust again and keep looking within to heal the places where there are still aspects of fear remaining from my childhood. And as I do this, I continue my journey so that I can deeply know and embody the truth of who I now choose to be, a whole, healthy man that is free from the traumas of my past.

Now is a good time to let go of fear and deepen our trust. This is an essential part of the epic journey back to loving relationships. It’s not a path for the faint of heart, but what I am experiencing is an increasing sense of freedom, inner peace and the true potential of love with another human being. It’s quite a ride, but our greatest prizes are often revealed amongst our greatest challenges.

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