November 9, 2019

Love is Not Enough: Why we Can’t Always Be with a Soulmate.


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I went to therapy for the first time in years this week.

Some old emotional baggage came up from the past, and I surrendered to the fact that if I knew how to fix it myself, it would probably already be fixed. Besides, no shame in getting a professional’s opinion on what to do when you need a fresh perspective.

What came out of that session was us identifying what triggered the emotional stuff. And what triggered it was a reconnection with someone from my past who I had a deep, soul connection with but always had to push down my real feelings because it was never gonna work between the two of us. We’re simply at different stages in our lives, and even if we weren’t, it may not work anyway. But the feelings of loss—like I was losing him all over again although he was never mine to begin with—were intense.

There’s a difference between soulmates and life partners. Soulmates are here to teach us something and expand our consciousness. Life partners are here to settle down and share our entire lives with. But those damn soulmate connections are intense.

I often tell people love is not enough to make a relationship work. I can’t tell you how many people come to me in anguish over a person they want to be with who they have a deep, soul connection with, but they can’t make it work.

It can be incredibly difficult to accept that the soul love we feel for someone can’t translate into the relationship we want in the third-dimensional world. But not all soulmates are meant to be life partners. They’re here to hold a mirror up to us, get us to look at our shadow side, and teach us great lessons we came here to learn.

And some are simply here to love us for a period of time, at a moment in our lives, when we need to receive that love.

If you’re asking yourself why you can’t be with a person you know is your soulmate, these are a few of the most common reasons we find ourselves unable to make that divine connection a happily-ever-after partnership:

1) One or both of you are already committed to someone else. This is the most common one. You or your soulmate are married or in a committed relationship already. Often one or both of you already have families and don’t want to break them apart. Sure, some people do choose to break them up in order to be together, and sometimes that works out. But more often than not, people find they aren’t willing to take the risk or dismantle what they already have with another person to be together.

2) You’re at different stages in life. In this scenario, you’re both on two different paths in life when you meet. Maybe one of you has been married and has kids and doesn’t want to do that again, while the other person has yet to experience that and wants it. There may be an age difference between the two of you so the things that are important to each of you are vastly different. Maybe one of you is super focused on building your career or business and your soulmate is looking for someone to spend all their time with and settle down. Whatever it is, if you’re not at the same place in your lives, it’s not going to work.

3) Distance. You might meet someone on a trip or while you’re living in one location only to have them move somewhere else. Long-distance love is hard. You might find that neither of you is willing to relocate to be together because your lives are in different cities or countries. So you end up doing nothing but thinking about each other 24/7 and longing to be together, but the physical distance makes it impossible to cement a long-term commitment.

So if you can’t be romantic partners, what can you be? Well, you can honor your connection by being close friends. Sometimes this is impossible because the feelings for each other are so strong and too intense to not be physically intimate. But the truth is, if you want that person in your life badly enough, it’s worth giving friendship a shot.

If you can’t do this, then you can look at your soulmate connection the way my good friend Monika told me to do. She said…

“Remember that you do not see the big picture of your life, so you cannot see what other perfect connection is coming. This person might be the one in front of you right now and is many things to you. But he/she is not the only person your soul has lined up. You just can’t know what’s coming, because if we knew all that was going to happen to us, there would be no point in being here to experience the journey.”

Wise words from a wise woman.

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