For years, you have been covered in muddy waters.
The tough guy mentality hauled you into the places your ego desired.
You emerged from these waters somewhat victorious…but your eyes remained hard, and your heart became comfortable in a tough shell. While you had gained so much in the worldly sense, you left so much behind.
You left your heart behind. As a man, you were taught to treasure the surface of things: your appearance, the opinions of others, how tough you looked. And the more energy you put toward these things, the muddier the waters became.
On so many occasions, I wanted to look through you, touch you, and pull you back to the beauty inside. But you were too busy with a false image on the outside. For so long, Preston, I knew there was something beautiful beneath that dirty, stained shell.
But there was no use in telling you. You lived life on your own terms, convinced of ignorance, unable to hear my whisper.
When people do that, they cannot even hear the roar of a lion in their ear.
Nothing will wake them up.
For this reason, I had to wait for the transcendent to destroy your cage, or take it down carefully, piece by piece. I had to wait for grace to turn your destiny upside down. I knew that everything leading up to that moment would hurt you. But witnessing the moment itself was worth it.
Every moment in life leading up to liberation is worth it, regardless of how excruciating it is.
Let me tell you, I was on the edge of my seat when you sat down on that couch in an adorable attempt to meditate. I thought to myself,
“This is it. He is starting to remember himself.”
I could see the fingertip of a great teacher trembling above your head on that night, waiting to shock you with the most profound love.
When you began to weep, I saw an angel inside of you weep more.
I was hurt to witness the passing of your limited self—of course I was—but I knew a limitless self was going to emerge. And even though I am writing gently now, my blood has boiled in the past watching your unconscious, karmic patterns unfold.
Knowing your destiny wasn’t easy, Preston.
For when you know the final destination of another, you grieve the mistakes they make on the way so much more. That is just how love works. Let me explain it to you: it’s similar to watching a movie you have watched before. Even though you have seen it a thousand times, witnessing the pain & heartache of your favorite character while he approaches the happy ending is never easy.
I was your beginning & ending, so everything in-between affected me.
I was there in every moment you shed a tear and cursed at your loved ones for caring too much. I was there when you hurt the girl’s you really cared about.
While I have your attention, I want you to know that none of this was your fault. It was impossible for you to take responsibility when you didn’t even know who you were. The entire world you lived in was filtered through an idea of mediocre manliness, an extension of society’s shallow conditioning. The dominance you exerted was really just a way of hiding. It is like that for so many men out there, but the frightening thing is, they don’t even know it. And neither did you.
But you are starting to see the light now, and I am so proud of you.
Now that you’re awake, Preston, there are no more excuses. You either live a life that’s true to your calling and to the highest ideal, or you suffer.
The first and last step in this process is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the only way a man can advance past society’s conditioning. For it allows him to drop the sword and kiss the soil – something that most men in our society will never do. It is the greatest act of surrender, and if done rightly, can turn a man into an embodied expression of truth.
Forgive those who haven’t forgiven you. Forgive yourself for pretending to be a boy, covered in muscles. And forgive yourself for hurting the people you did. You didn’t mean to hurt anyone. You were blind in a forest, slashing branches to find love. Now you are a lion in an open jungle, with transparent eyes and an open heart.
Keep following your intuition.
I would wait for you again until my impatience grows wings and lifts you into the heavens. But for both our sakes, let’s not make this another lifetime, shall we?
– Your Higher Self
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