February 14, 2020

4 Not-So-Romantic Ideas for those who know Valentine’s Day is Bullsh*t.

Valentine’s Day can bring a lot of pressure if you’re in a new relationship.

You want to impress your partner or spend this day in the cheesiest way to beat all of your past failed relationships and make a fresh statement to the outside world : We’re a happy couple now!

It is also around the time when my seasonal depression kicks in most after three months of a cold, dark winter in Russia, and I feel too emotionally drained to survive any relationship. Therefore, both of two years I’d been in my previous relationship resulted in either a break or complete breakup. Nothing romantic about that, huh?

Still, I don’t mind celebrating it as long as it doesn’t take too much effort.

Growing up, my parents taught me to treat every celebration practically. No matter what day it is, it has to be comfortable for everyone and never emotionally exhausting. That’s why instead of impressing our guests with a five-course dinner, we would spend our Christmas preparations watching old movies in pajamas. That is also why I’ve never been tempted with the idea of spending Valentine’s Day in a conventional way most couples suggest.

I mean, have you seen those lists of ”creative” ideas for Valentine’s Day on the internet?

“Make a scrapbook of your relationship.”

“Enjoy a wine and chocolate tasting.”

Deep down, I am a desperate romantic—but what kind of crap is that?

That is why I decided to come up with some better alternative ideas for a perfect Valentine’s Day with your partner if you, like me, are intimidated by most celebrations.

1. Netflix and chi…cken wings.

I feel bad about new, insecure couples trying to overcompensate all their relationship insecurities by buying all of the flowers in the city and planning awkward romantic gatherings.

No surprise my ex and I spent out first shared Valentine’s Day eating KFC takeout while watching some stupid show in our bed.

Why would you spend your evening choosing an expensive restaurant you don’t even care about and putting in all of this effort to look good when you can just stay at home to binge on your favorite show and ruin your sheets with the grease from your wing dip?

2. Make some good old homestyle porn.

Cooking your dinner together is probably on every list of ideas for any couple’s celebration. That is why, on our second shared Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend and I decided to step up our romantic game.

After a surprise visit to a new planetarium, we stopped to get some wine and groceries. But we still went with the chicken wings rather than a fancy Italian dish.

It didn’t go as romantic as it sounds, since when we found out the wings were expired and after dining with wine, we decided to make a 40-minute sex tape on both our phones and a GoPro.

Needless to say, I have no regrets about not having those chicken wings and am definitely thankful for some interesting material that came out of it.

3. Amazon Prime and Mexican food.

What can be more romantic than tequila? Tacos and guac! Why not make some fancy cocktails in your cheap IKEA glasses to go with the homemade guacamole instead of heading to a loaded bar?

This way, you’re much closer to carrying out the second idea on my list, and there is still time to order a bunch of sex toys and spend the night experimenting.

You can put them on a credit card so your Valentine’s Day can be paid for five bucks a day over the next six months with zero percent financing for your first $1000 in purchases.

4. Celebrate love with those who need it most.

Valentine’s Day is about love. So why not unite your love and affection with your partner and share it with those who’d appreciate it most?

Find a local shelter where you can cuddle some cute old dogs or cats and bring them some food they’d enjoy.

Who knows, maybe you’ll see someone who’d conquer your heart and make your relationship even stronger.

No matter what you end up doing, remember that Valentine’s Day isn’t a competition for the best expression of love. Don’t put too much pressure and expectations on your partner.

Instead, spend a day doing something you both love, even if it means doing simple things like staying in bed and cuddling to the last episode of “The Good Place.”

You have a whole life ahead of you to express your love in the little daily things that would support your partner and make them feel loved much more than a fancy bouquet of flowers and expensive jewelry.

So why not invest in those little things rather than booking that expensive restaurant you’ll leave your whole salary at?

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