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February 7, 2020

Alone on Valentine’s Day? It’s Not Your Fault!

10 red-flag behaviors in potential partners you must avoid.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, do you find yourself riding solo and asking, “Will anyone ever love me?” and questioning “Why aren’t I more lovable?” You might be directing your beautiful, kind and loving energy to the wrong people.

Recognize that you do have value and are worthy of love. You have shining moments of being enchanting, fun and delightful. But True Love still eludes you.

We’re all eager to find that special one-of-a-kind love and enter a fairy tale world of castles, unicorns and bliss. But even veterans of long-term marriages confess that no relationship is perfect. Even so, nothing can beat the feeling of being with a trusted, devoted and adoring partner. You deserve that. Why is it so hard to find?

You could be searching for love among individuals with certain destructive personality behaviors that are preventing you from attaining happiness. Their demeanor could be the icy barrier that prohibits you from experiencing an adoring and amorous relationship.

Guard your heart. Don’t offer it to anyone who demonstrates that they don’t have room in their life to make you a top priority. Follow your instincts. Do not waste a moment of your precious time on someone who doesn’t share your values, your humor and your desire for a genuine bond and connection.

Review this list of actions and conduct in potential mates that could be derailing your hopes of finding a forever Valentine:

1. The Controller: Steer clear of the person who needs to manage and direct all activities. Do they insist on being the one to always run the show, make the plans? Keep away from The Regulator.

2. The Blamer: It’s never their fault, is it? When an argument or spat with a friend or co-worker arises does this person shirk responsibility for their actions? Do they perpetually stoke the flames of discontent?

3. The Critic: Does this potential mate continually nitpick and knock you, your friends and colleagues? Avoid this naysayer. No one can get along with a faultfinder long term. Look for an individual who will be supportive and constructive.

4. The Historian: Are they always the one to bring up painful memories from the past? Do they chronicle the sagas and sad times? Forget antiquity. There is a reason we call it “the past” and some things need to stay there.

5. The Judge: Do they assume the role of Preacher or Lecturer? It’s not pleasant to listen to a sermon on one’s behavior, lifestyle or activities. Duck those who moralize and tell others what they need to do.

6. The Know-It-All: No one likes a braggart or a show-off. Your true love should be humble about their accomplishments. One can be proud of what they’ve achieved but not boastful. Shun the all-knowing windbag.

7. The Whiner: Yes, the world is a tough place, but is your love interest really the one who suffers the most? Complaining 24/7 about life, the commute, the menu, family, etc. is tedious and boring. They might not have everything they want in life, but they might have even more than they really need.

8. The Barnacle: Are they a gripper and clinger that won’t let go of you? Are they afraid you’ll walk out the door to pursue a sport, hobby or work you love? Dodge the hanger-on, the leech. You want to find a love with their own interests to pursue while you are developing your own.

9. The Boor: Do they disrespect your time? If they are continually late for events, dinners and social appointments they are guilty of bad manners. Do they interrupt people? Fail to answer texts or emails in timely fashion? Forget key dates like birthdays or anniversaries? Cut in line? Use their cell phone at inappropriate times? You need to be appreciated.

10. The Boulder: Are they stuck, trapped, caught in emotional cement? They are the immovable stone suffering from the “I was gonna’…” syndrome. Clearly, they need to make solid plans to move their life forward. Don’t attach yourself to an emotional anchor.

You have a right to live a life full of joy and be loved. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Painting, “A Universe of Love Inside the Rose” by artist-musician-composer Phoebe Legere. Learn more at



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