When your Kids react
Where are you?
When you dread a certain time of the day, be it mealtime, bath time, bedtime
Where are you?
By this I mean are you present fully in the moment.
If not why?
We all lead busy lives but are we so busy we can’t be fully present with our kids in the moment!
We all need to be seen and heard it’s our human design, think about it what do you do if your talking and someone isn’t listening as adults we have patterns and traits that we started as a kid because we weren’t seen or heard in the moments we needed.
Kids are so tuned in they know when your present but your not, they know when your upset, they just know.
So think about this, what is your pattern your way of getting attention?
I ask this because this will begin to give you insights into who you are and what you do and then what your kids do.
We all learn by repetition with kids they are conditioned and taught by the teachers they have in the first 7 years of their life.
Dr. Bruce Lipton says we are all conditioned from the moment we are conceived. Dr. Caroline Myss says the first tribe our family gives us the foundation that sets the patterns and beliefs in our base chakra.
So I see then that we have so many unconscious belief programs that ee are running that we aren’t aware of that we get activated or triggered if that is the word you use.
This can be set off by a situation a tantrum, a defiant no, a terrified don’t turn the light off so many other things when you’re with your kids.
It’s challenging being a parent at any time or age, but particularly now in this electronic time, when everyone has many devices and distractions to numb us away from feeling, exploring and becoming aware.
Something I’ve noticed over 15 years is that kids are kids and need to know they have you there, you are after all there safety and support, and if they feel you’re not fully present to them it feels like your leaving them, abandonment, they need to have your full attention, not a body present, mind absent, emotions checked out or in fear flight or freeze mode, not brushed aside with soon,
Give them a definite answer I will be with you in 10 mins, If you let me finish this then you have my full attention, that sort of thing will at least give them the answer but it also sets healthy boundaries and strong patterns for later life.
Everyone needs all of someone’s attention
What do your patterns look like
If you work, when you get home do you spend full focus time on them for a while asking about there day, what they did even toddlers can communicate just in a different way.
Or do you rush around getting things done being Ms go go go or do you walk in dump your things, collapse in a heap and go numb with your devices, no judgment here everyone does things differently?
This is about awareness and presence
We’ve all been there, you need time to debrief but it’s just you and the kids so what do you do?
Social media has become the debrief zone for so many people it numbs us, but it’s also our extra family in a way we have created a tribe that soothes us without challenging us.
But what about the kids?
Your sitting debriefing your day or mindlessly playing a small game
The kids are yelling needing something you begin to yell too.
Are you aware of your true feelings at this time?
Are you annoyed, don’t bug me, leave me alone, go away any number of statement s,
But are you hearing yourself or are you elsewhere and just reacting?
Then you scream what’s the matter I’m tired too.
Yes, you need time to unwind, de-stress, yes kids need to be taught that parents need alone time this is teaching them boundary setting. When it’s done properly it is a tool forever that they have.
In my observances over many years with family friends and grandkids as they grow and in general every day! at the shops, in the park, family gatherings, events, communication, and a sometimes interaction is being replaced by phones texting and social media.
Kids need interaction with other people, not just other kids but there parents, family, friends too.
A lot of people aren’t communicating with their kids at all
They don’t talk to them, they talk at them.
Yes, there is a difference, think about how someone talks to you! Are you being asked a question and then being dismissed before you answer?
Are you answering and not being listened to or heard.
Or are you being truly heard your opinion or input taken on board
It’s the same for your kids
What if just for 10 mins you put down your distraction, you stopped and sat fully present with your child asking them what they want or need, really listening to their story, their day, finding out what the cry is really about. Finding out so much more about your child, letting them give you answers, ask questions and teaching them that they have a voice, and that voice will be heard by you, their parents.
Children can be and most times are our greatest teachers if we just pull our heads out of our own world and pay attention.
In my experiences and I’m as guilty as anyone else with being in 20 different places at once, but my grandkids have taught me to be present with them, that they actually value this time and it really is quite often 10 mins and they have moved on. Toddlers, especially in the afternoons and close to nap time and bedtime, need you to be present with them. This is how they learn but it’s also how we learn from them without them we would stay in our other world yes they are a distraction and a handful, yes they are a lot of the things but they aren’t! They are small humans still trying to learn how to navigate this world this journey in this body, how many years you have had to navigate your body and your world and how many have they.
If you take nothing else away from this let it be this awareness, you have had a lot longer to navigate your body and your life your mind your thoughts.
Children like all of us want to be acknowledged seen and heard. Half listening or distracted listening doesn’t work, kids are so tuned in they know when you’re not present and they will do what it takes to get your full attention one way or another.
So next time you’re sitting mindlessly on your phone and your kid starts yelling chances are they would like your attention and you know they really are the best de-stressor for a busy day they can bring you back into your joy and the present moment with one giggle, one offer to make you feel better with a kiss, one giant hug, play a game with them become a kid again Be spontaneous, laugh with them this is how they teach us to remember our child that needs to play too.
Remember what it was like when you were a kid.
Was it half attention and not being present to busy to do things.
Could you perhaps be repeating family patterns?
Kids are precious before you know it they will be grown and have kids of there own.
What is your wish for them?
it begins with you now!
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