Fake, manipulative, stubborn, stuck in his ways, and toxic are the words that were used to describe me.
A friend on Facebook shared them with me, informing me that she had received them via email in response to a comment that she had made on one of my YouTube interviews. The full body of the email does not need to be shared here, but I have selected some of the keywords to give a flavour of the message.
I was initially unsure of whether my friend should have forwarded the slanderous words to me, but quite quickly, I saw that she was just a messenger who brought a valuable message to me.
My response was, “Wow!” and I immediately felt a little upset as I reread the message. I was concerned about how I could be perceived in such an unflattering way and wondered how many other people might see me in a similar light. I know I am not perfect, and I am aware that I still have a need for external validation to some extent. There was a short-lived “ouch,” but this quite quickly changed to “Wow, this is interesting. Let’s have a look at what this has triggered in you, Miguel.”
My emotions subsided quickly as I inquired into this unusual gift that life had presented me. I reminded myself of the powerful truth:
“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ~ the Talmud.
It’s amazing how we all view and perceive everything through the filters of our own minds. It seems that the degree that our view is clear and love based, is dependent on how much fear and trauma we have transformed and released from our systems. So it was clear to me that whoever had written to my friend about me was obviously in a great deal of pain. They actually stated that they only knew me from afar and had never had a conversation with me, so it seemed extra odd that they should feel in a position to judge me.
I noticed how there was a short internal rant from me: “how dare they!?” But then that quickly subsided, and I was reminded of the words “Forgive them. For they know not what they do.”
I thought about how judgmental they must be of themselves, and that this was an opportunity for me to become more compassionate and open my heart a little. I am aware that I also have not cleansed myself fully from judging myself and others.
But the real gift for me was how little this message had distressed and wobbled me. The discomfort was short-lived and quick. I came back to my centre. In the past, I would have been devastated by a message like this, and I saw this difference as a measure of the progress I had made in loving and accepting myself.
I am not sure that we ever fully shed the enjoyment of external validation, but it becomes healthy when it is an added bonus rather than a requirement for us to feel a sense of self-worth.
Nowadays, my self-worth is internally fueled, and I know I have made great strides in my internal transformative shadow work. The harmony of my internal masculine and feminine twin flame is now, for the most part, infused with balanced pure love.
Ultimately, we arrive at a point when someone compliments us and tells us that we are “the bee’s knees” our response is a simple and heartfelt, “thank you.” We know that this is only their perception of us, and this is always secondary to our perception of ourselves. We don’t need to feel elated and go about engineering situations where we might get more external validation (often at our own long-term expense). And when we receive a less flattering message like the one that I did, we can also say “thank you,” as our emotional response gives us valuable feedback on how we are doing in our journey.
When our internal validation becomes the source of our sense of self-worth, we have taken our power back; we are no longer a yo-yo bounced up and down by the views and opinions of others. I know that when I agreed to step up and be a voice for the sacred masculine not everyone would “get me.” I knew that people would gossip and spread rumours. That is their business.
My work is to continue to deepen the living of my life from the place of the silent witness that watches from a place of stillness. My witness watches and doesn’t get too engaged in the dramas of this life movie that I’m living.
I am grateful, and my heart goes out to the person who described me in such an unflattering way. I am grateful for the unusual gift of slander.