June 26, 2020

Loving a Narcissist is Agony & Ecstasy.

If you are reading this, you have probably already become the victim of a narcissist.

The first thing we need to establish about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is that:

1. It is a spectrum disorder.

2. We are not qualified psychiatrists (well, I’m not).

3. They likely have never consented to be diagnosed.

That being said, it kind of doesn’t matter because you are desperately searching for answers, and this is about you. You are convincing yourself that he or she actually loves you—there must be some mistake or misunderstanding.

There was no mistake. There was no misunderstanding. Not on their part.

Right now, all you know is pain and confusion. This is what narcissists do to you.

You saw all the red flags in the beginning, didn’t you? Yes, we all did. And we all convinced ourselves that we were stupid.

You need to know that they are experts in what they do. They have been doing it all of their lives. Don’t feel stupid.

They saw you coming. They became exactly what you wanted them to be. They told you everything you wanted to hear—it’s what they do.

You believed that you had met “the one.” It was a miracle!

Then suddenly, one day, your entire world fell apart.

That is what they do. It gives them a real buzz. It gives them a sense of control—a sense of power. The harder you fall, the bigger the buzz.

Don’t believe me?

Just before they dumped you (the one thing that you had been waiting for to seal the deal), they gave it to you. A confirmation that this was a miracle for them too, and that the rest of your lives together would be like heaven.

Then they threw you into the garbage can. Suddenly and without warning. This is their crowning moment.

You absolutely believed the world was a beautiful place. You were the happiest you had ever been in your life. You were exactly where they wanted you to be so that they could inflict the most damage on you.

They are fundamentally broken people. 

Every emotion you thought they felt was a sham. They feel nothing for you—they never did. Trust me on that.

They are actors. Brilliant actors. They can be anything to anyone if there’s something in it for them. Then when they no longer need you, without a thought, they will wipe you out like an inconvenient dirt stain. They trash you and send their flying monkeys to torment you.

What follows for you is years of pain and confusion. They actually took the best of you and broke it. 

They made you believe you were someone that you are not. They made you believe they were someone that they are not. 

And when they’re gone, you will have forgotten who you were. Like your soul has literally left your body.

Everything you feel and every emotion you go through is perfectly natural (and has a purpose). You are not mad. You are not useless and hopeless. But you will feel like this for a long time. Feel it. Don’t fight it. You need this.

Please take heart in the fact that this is the healing process. You need time to rediscover yourself. And when you do, you will have a rare experience under your belt. 

You will have experienced love more significant than most people will only ever dream about. It’s okay to believe that it was true at the time. But it is no more. Let it go.

Yes, you will have a wound you will never heal from, but you will come out on the other side wiser and stronger. You will have learned more about yourself during that time than the rest of your life. Your soul will return—unexpectedly.

The narcissist has moved on to their next source, and there’s nothing you can do to stop that. The new source is seeing and ignoring the red flags, just like you and everyone else did.

He or she has demonized you just as they demonized their ex to you. Remember?

Concentrate on healing yourself—your new self. The old self is gone. Mourn (but let it go). The new you is different but better. I promise.

It will take what seems like forever, but the healing happens at its own speed. Believe in yourself and let your body and subconscious do the work. Trust in yourself. Look after yourself.

Stay single ’til you are back to normal. Seriously.

Those who have unknowingly had the good fortune to have never experienced a narcissist will never understand you—don’t worry about that. It’s not their fault.

And you will feel alone. You are not. We are here. Believe that we are here. We know how you feel. We understand the sheer insanity of it all, and we know that you are not stupid or weak. 

We know that you are human, and you reacted as humans do. You are going through exactly what we all went through. We had the same thoughts, the same reactions, and the same confusion. It’s okay, I promise.

Let it go. Please. Let it go. You will never make sense of it. Your heart will forever believe it was true love. Strangely, it was. But it’s gone. Let it go.

Love with a narcissist is a double-edged sword—both agony and ecstasy. You will remember it for the rest of your life. You will crave to go back, but you won’t. This time you will not ignore the red flags.

Your intuition is always right. Now you know that to be true. And you are better because of it.

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