July 4, 2020

Dear Past Lover, I Have a Message for You.

I crawled into an unfamiliar bed tonight and pretended the pillow was your body.

I held on tightly and caressed your back while I rested my cheek on yours. With my eyes closed, I matched the rhythm of our breaths and listened to the rainfall. I drew a heart on your back with my fingernail, and found your ear to whisper, “I love you.”

As the evening came to an end, I snuggled in close and drifted off to sleep, just as I did last night and the night before.

Maybe we weren’t meant to last forever, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you or think about you often. Some may say you left a mark on my life. I would agree, because the lens I look through has never been the same. I will sing Johnny and June in the shower for the rest of my life.

I woke up this morning to the sound of the birds chirping, then rested my chin on your shoulder. You smelled like lavender, and your skin was warm. My alarm went off, but I kept my eyes closed and embraced two more minutes, my feet tangled in yours. I like it when you’re barefoot and I can play with your toes.

I opened my eyes to find my white pillow and nothing else. I wrapped my arms around the pillow again and tried to drift back to sleep, but I couldn’t. Tears streamed down my face just as they did last morning, and the morning before.

Maybe we weren’t meant to be together forever, but your presence never leaves. Even as I grow older and fall in love again, I’ll fall asleep next to you. Nobody will ever know our secret. It’s secure in my mind after all.

I’ll see you this evening. I’ll wear your favorite T-shirt, and wash the sheets. It’s supposed to rain again. I have a message for you. Meet me under the comforter, and I’ll write it on your back.

Love always,



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