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*This article was inspired by this post.
Do you have friends you are no longer in touch with?
Losing a friend is the breakup nobody talks about; nobody writes songs about it.
I hadn’t expected it to hit me like that again. I thought I was over her, but I’m not. It’s been 15 years since I last spoke to her.
We loved each other. She was the first one to know about the hero of my life, and now she knows nothing about any of me. I remember pushing the key to search for her. It was like she disappeared into nothingness.
Sometimes I don’t think about her for weeks, and then, out of nowhere, it all hits me again. That whatever we had is gone; it’s only a memory that keeps fading and doesn’t feel real anymore. It’s as if it belonged to another me.
I miss the old days, the everyday talks, the secrets, the girl-things, the sleepovers. I miss her; I miss who I was around her.
Please give me a moment and read; this is exactly how I feel. This time I have been able to describe it perfectly:
Sometimes, I am awful with regards to keeping in contact with others. I want healthy and fulfilling relationships with my friends, but it’s hard to invest myself wholly. I want to talk to you, but it’s difficult for me to muster the energy.
I want to hang out with you, but isolation also sounds nice right now. I’ll read your texts, but I’m not necessarily in the mood to reply at the moment. Then I feel anxious attempting to reach out when I do have the energy, and I am in a good mood.
At that point, I feel like I’ve pushed you away, and you dislike me. So I usually remain isolated.
If I had a chance to write you a letter, this is what it would say:
Friend, I like you. And that’s that.
No matter the distance, you will always be remembered.
I hope you will walk into my life like autumn and I will meet you like the fall.
And maybe it will happen as Troye Sivan sang:
“I’m sure we’ll meet in the spring again and catch up on everything, and I’ll hug you and say I’m proud of all that you’ve done.”