July 1, 2020

When you Love Someone who doesn’t Love you Back.

Just the other day, I had a thought.

There’re almost eight billion of us sharing our planet, yet we are each alone in our experience of the world—who we love, what we like, and what we encounter throughout our journey of life. It blew my mind to know that no two lives and no two loves are ever the same.

When it comes to love, many of us romanticise about having one true love—one who penetrates the depths of our hearts—but how do we know that ours will find us? Or what if we find our love, but they don’t love us back—have we opened the wrong door?

The essence of romance is uncertainty; we risk our hearts without guarantees, diving headfirst into a pool of unknown depth, and love is incessantly hard to defy. We all fall in love on our own timelines—some feel love at first sight, some fall slowly, then all at once, and for some, love takes years or is realised once it’s too late. There’re endless shades of love, and as one of life’s valued treasures, and the most powerful of all human emotions, love has an ability to make or break us.

Although we live in a world where affections are paraded visually online, we only have to close our eyes in the moonlight to hear the cries of those whose hearts are in 100 pieces. Broken hearts are all around us; we only have to turn on the radio to hear it in the words of songs, or visit a gallery to see it within artistic works. Many iconic lyrics, films, and words grew from the roots of love and heartbreak.

As a past classicist of unrequited love, I know how it hurts and burns. At the time, my therapy was to write out my feelings, using writing as a creative outlet to express my emotions. I believe that my experience was a redirection onto my destined path, and as time relentlessly passed (as it does), it overthrew the wishes of my heart, revealing that I never truly loved that person anyway.

He became a short chapter in my book of life, and in the end, we all become stories.

I want to share with you, a small part of mine:

Poems from my days of unrequited love.

When you love someone
you give them the key to everything
there’s no other way,
yet I find myself cold and alone
in front of a locked door


The waters of our love
are dark and choppy now
I can’t tell the depth


Suffering from the loss of love
even though we’re still together


It aches so deeply
every night when I know you lay with another
I ask what the lesson is
why I continue to love you
when your heart is empty for me
then I remember all the hearts I broke carelessly
need their justice


I lay dormant for some time
as my life shattered
I lost control and watched it crumble
losing everything
even my mind


Sometimes we meet the one
who doesn’t realise it’s us
until they’re left jaded
in the rubble
of the masterpiece that could’ve been


I play a losing game
when I look for healing at the feet of those who break me
yet every day I return
waiting for the day
that will only come when I leave


If I think of you
does it mean that you’re thinking of me
or is my innocence pure ignorance
and denial of the truth


I wish you were a book
I’d read every page
see if it’s me at the end
but I fear I may merely be a page
in another woman’s chapter


I try to write the words
that explain why I love you so
but I clutch at straws to find them
maybe it’s your smile, your laugh
or the way you flick your hair out of your eyes
or maybe it’s what I fear most
that my heart loves you for no reason
other than you’re my one


Maybe I could be her
I could be the one
who shines brighter
in your sky


After I’d hurt and burned for some time, I bloomed. I bloomed bigger and more beautiful than I’d ever been, and as I share these words, if you find yourself in a situation similar, so will you.

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, and I own the strength in my softness at that time. In love, when the door doesn’t open, it’s not our door. We can’t make anybody fall in love with us—it’s either there or it isn’t. And we all deserve a love that feels like summer—it’s our birthright; we are entitled and worthy of experiencing the real thing.

As much as unrequited love hurts, the heart eventually heals. And if there’s mostly the feeling of unhappiness in your love, then perhaps it’s time to accept that it isn’t love, my dear. True and returned love doesn’t cause continuous upset, which is important to remember, as we often become delusional in love. Listen to the warnings in your intuition, if something feels off, it usually is off.

The silver lining is that love seldom comes once—it comes the way the stars kiss the ocean, times without number. We only have to be open and receptive to receive the opportunities and never settle for less than we desire.

With love comes joy, intimacy, contentment, and euphoria—there’s no other feeling in this life that can top it. Well, maybe multiple orgasms come close.


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