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August 21, 2020

Surrender. A Testament from the Narcissistic Abuse Survivor. {Poem}

I surrender to the person that I am now. 

The skeletons in my closet are the distant memories that my inner child holds near to my heart. 

It expands, like a ripple in a pond, with each beat, until the waves touch every surface of my life.

I never threw the first stone in the pond. 

It was you.

The predator of my every existence.

 You skewed and fragmented that little girl, 

Until she was merely a dull reflection of what she once was. 

But you were never meant to be the end of her story. 

Sometimes, I watch the sunset and an image of the death card invades my mind,

As a reminder that I too, must grieve. 

The tales of sorrow that were the very first chapters of my life have ended.

The hero of the story has died. 

Now, I too, must face you.

Simply as I am. 

Vulnerable and Unskewed.

I often feel like an innocent bystander of the plot, instead of the main character. 

Dissociated from my past, the sun fails to set. 

And every day the pond whipples with the stones of despair that I cast away to avoid.

Now I am the one holding the stones. 

Not you.

Now, I must try to integrate them into my landscape. 

So that the story of the hero and villain can be put to rest.

The sun can set. 

And I can finally grieve. 

I must respect the fact that I, too, was a victim of your violence. 

The sun will rise again to the east after all, there are new chapters to be written. 

That is why, I surrender. 

To the person that I am now.

And the haunting memory…. of you. 

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