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August 11, 2020

You Don’t Need a 12-Step Program to do Life—this is What you Need. 


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There is no 12-step program for life.

I may sound contradictory, but stay with me.

I’ve been contemplating life and death. Another constant question that arises when working on myself and with clients is: what does it mean to be human?

What I see in many people and myself is a need for a “recipe” or a 12-step program on how to do life. If perhaps we had the answer written on a postcard, we might have a plan and a formula to follow and then, maybe, we can get it right: earn money, get what we desire, be successful, and so on.

However, whilst we have family values, and systems to learn by, the biggest and most fundamental trick and tip to being human is exactly that.

To simply be human.

Learn to do you, be you, unapologetically and authentically.

No one can show us exactly how to do this and how to be ourselves, as we have to learn our own ways: to understand the nuances of who we are, what makes us tick, and what turns us on and off.

Yes, it is vital to learn how to do some things and gain information, as we are not all great at everything. For example, I’ve been looking at business models and how to move my work forward. Within the market, there are many offerings of “one size fits all model;” follow this, learn how to do this, and you will get to six figures and grow your business. But does it really reflect who you are?

There are strategies we can follow, yet many of us do not succeed, as it isn’t tailored to us. They rely on great marketing and a generalised view of “limiting beliefs,” avoiding our own authentic blueprint.

Many of us are using a model, which scares me. In the past, I’ve participated in growth trainings that promote “put your attention here and money will come” (subsequently leaving me in debt and a broken spirit). I see that many people are lured by the incredible marketing and shiny, charismatic people. They think, “If I do that program, I’d get that mentality kicking in as well.”

There is nothing wrong with those desires, yet how many decisions are made from a place of grounded, deep self-knowing?

I see online dating experts selling huge amounts of “do this, say this, text this, and you’ll get them interested, fall in love, or come back.” It’s fascinating. While some tips are helpful, each one is showing their “formula” into how to do something.

It’s all a big game. Why do we play games with each other? Probably because it keeps us safe. We hide behind a model that is not our truth and get to avoid being vulnerable, real, and raw. But we’re avoiding the truth and to getting to know ourselves fully.

What I’m trying to say is that there isn’t one size that fits all. 

Trust me. I’m someone who always does another course, another workshop, another seminar to learn how to do me better. I’m always trying to “fix” myself because I believe there is something wrong with me.

But what if there is nothing else to learn from someone else? What if there was nothing else to do? What if I just “am?” If I accept all that is me, take full responsibility, then I would stop looking out and start looking in.

I want to stop blaming another failed course, another failed teacher or guru, and actually learn to be me.

There is no one singular way of learning, no one teacher, no one course, workshop or seminar that can gift us all that we need to know about being the full version of ourselves.

We collect and collate as we journey from many. Since it’s a journey, then it’s a process of growing and learning along the way. We learn about ourselves from all the input, events, successes, seeming failures, and every interaction that are growth opportunities in disguise.

Find what inspires you, share it wholeheartedly, and move on. Learn different things. Try on different hats, suits, and shoes as you walk and dance this journey.

There is no one doctrine except that of yourself. This, in itself shifts and changes as we shift and change. As we navigate, we learn fully what it means for us to be human, to be who we are, and to know why we’re here.

What if we would accept that there is nothing to fix, but everything to be? To write and become our own doctrine.

Now I tell you, take from this what you will, and leave the rest.

My doctrine is not yours, and yours is not mine. We are all individuals learning from each other, from ourselves, and at all times leaning into love.



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