October 5, 2020

Stop trying to Control Life—What’s Meant to be Will Be. 

It’s okay to not know where we’re going, what it is we should be doing, or the answer to the choices that are presenting themselves to us.

Not knowing is what actually creates the element of surprise that life loves to serve.

There are days when my fear of the unknown overtakes my mind, and I find myself upset, anxious, and stressed about what it is I should be doing and what path I need to take.

“Should I or should I not be doing this?” is a common question I have been asking myself lately.

Then, once my spirit gives me the answer, I attempt to ignore it because I’m scared that it might be wrong. I get nervous that if I pass on the stable offer to make money or be in relationships, I might do myself a disservice—that I might lose something.

I only fear that the outcome of one choice will be better than the outcome of the other. I frequently label one better, easier, or more manageable, thinking I can bypass the voice in my heart telling me where it wants to be.

I think it’s fair to say that whatever path I choose is the path that’s meant for me—that neither is good or bad, but just meant to be.

This has been my thing though—this overthinking and putting my emotions and faith into what is more comfortable. It’s a habit that I do, and it has shown me the lack of trust I have in myself.

In the past, I feared making the wrong choices so much that I struggled to even trust myself to go with what I truly wanted. I chose the path with the most predictable outcome and the one that brought about less loss, less stress, and even more predictability.

Maybe I did that because I didn’t trust myself enough to deal with the outcome of whatever the other option had in-store. It was like the universe dangled my dreams right in front of me, and I jumped to the conclusion that it was so good that I wouldn’t have to deal with the possibility of it failing.

Well, I know that my heart longed for more and pulled me toward new and even scary adventures that I told myself were too good to be true. I feared that following my heart would lead me to pain. I actually believed that my heart, love, and intuition would only lead me down a path of darkness.

I feared failing at whatever it was that I wanted.

I feared not being able to handle whatever was in-store for me if I took the leap.

I feared that making a choice that could lead to more happiness would also lead me to more pain—that somehow, I am better off not doing it all.

I literally gave up opportunities to grow in order to remain in what I thought was comfortable.

But let me tell you, rejecting my intuition, myself, and my knowing for a path of “comfort” has had little, legitimate comfortability.

So I made the choice to be comfortable and predictable. I settled, I wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t able to trust my soul’s calling or the fact that my heart actually did know me and my journey best.

For the longest time, I craved structure, organization, schedules, and falling into the illusion of needing to control every aspect of my life.

I thought I was protecting myself from anything to do with any relationship, job, or path that would lead me to rejection, failure, disappointment, or abandonment.

Little did I know I was only giving up love, freedom, peace, fun, and the joy of something new.

Now, I choose to trust.

I have been able to build a relationship with myself that is built strongly on faith in myself. I only want what is best for me, and I know that I am the only one who knows what that truly is.

I am the only one who has the option to make myself happy. I know that when others tell me that I would be better off and should be “safe,” it will only cause a lack of happiness for everybody.

Others cannot experience happiness through me making a choice. They won’t wake up the next day smiling because I chose to be safe. They may be worry-free or feel validated in the fact that I listened to their advice, but my choice will not cause them the happiness they long for—I will only be doing myself the disservice of ignoring my own happiness.

It’s okay to not know.

Our future is only made up of more choices and yes, we will never truly know where they lead, but we have a say.

Its okay to not know how we will make it work, how we will deal with any adversity, or when we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. But wouldn’t we rather not know something that could help us grow than live another replay of yesterday?

When we choose predictable options, we think they will turn out exactly as we plan. The truth is, they probably won’t. I know that life is not controllable, and there are so many factors to what is happening around us that just aren’t in our control.

As much as we might grasp for the need of knowing and clinging to control, there is no way to know the outcome of our choices.

What we do know, however, is how we feel and the life we desire to live. We might even be able to know when we are making a decision from a place of fear or a place of love. We’ll know when a choice comes that might be testing us, and maybe we know exactly what we need to do about it.

You know.

That is what I’m trying to say—our soul knows.

For me, when I come to a crossroad and a state of uncertainty, I take a deep breath and ask myself, “Do I want this?” The first response that comes into my mind is the one I know to be true.

I trust myself to make the choices I want and the ones that will only lead me through fear and into love.

I trust that whenever I take a step toward what I don’t know, all will be okay.

Knowing that I choose myself is the biggest indicator of my success.

I encourage you to pause. Reflect on the change you have coming into your life, and ask yourself what it is that you want. Will you repeat old habits of what is comfortable and somewhat more predictable? Or will you trust your gut and go for the life that may feel scary now but only holds love and adventure later?

Choose you.

Choose your happiness.

Choose your life.

Choose to get uncomfortable.

Trust that you will be okay and that leaning into the fear and discomfort will only allow you the opportunity to grow.

Those who can’t accept our choices may not actually be able to relate to what it feels like to choose themselves, but you choose you.

Let’s get comfortable with not knowing, with surrendering, and with being uncomfortable.

Let’s live.

It’s okay to not know where the path may lead.


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