“Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply.” ~ Jane Austen

 

I was an only child for over eight years, and I did not know what was missing.

After my father passed away and my mother decided to remarry, I found it hard to cope with the new situation, especially when war broke simultaneously. We had to flee, leave our house and belongings behind, and live with three other families in a small place. I still suffer from the trauma I went through during those years, except that there was a silver lining.

The first time I saw those big, black eyes staring at me from a tiny face, I lost it. I was laughing and crying hysterically. A wave of emotions hit me all at once, and my small body could not process what my soul was going through. I have met a soul mate for the first time in my life.

Growing up with my sister was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I was playing the mother most of the time, but this was only because I have always felt she was like my child.

Dear sister, when I cried at your wedding, it was that part of me that got emotional—only a mother would feel so proud of the woman her daughter has become.

As the older sibling, all I wanted was to leave my imprint on you, and I did for so long. You’d dress like me, talk like me, listen to the same music, read the same books, watch the same stuff until you started forming your own identity without giving me the time I needed to accept that you had become your own person.

The drifts that happened between us were nothing but the trail that my fingernails had left because I was not able to let go. How could I when all my world revolved around you? I mean, I took you with me to a date with a guy who drove a two-seat car.

A colleague once told me that all I talked about was your accomplishments and how proud I am of you—which I thought was pathetic because it showed that I had no life and nothing to be proud of.

Back then, it hurt me, but now I understand that there is nothing wrong in loving someone the way you love yourself, especially when that being is the biggest and best part of yourself—and that will never, ever change.

We survived all those quarrels because you had taught me that love always wins. It is true that I always tried to protect you and teach you everything I know, but now I know that so did you.

I’ve always believed that a soul mate crosses our path in this life to help us become who we were supposed to be before the world messed us up and to lead us to our purpose. You taught me kindness, acceptance, and tolerance by being a role model and loving the difficult, complicated “me,” and accepting all my choices no matter how crazy they are.

You will always remain the keeper of my secrets, the voice of reason with your “where’s the poop, Robin?,” the warmth of a family, all the 10 types of friends a person needs, and more.

What we have, baby girl, outlasts every other relationship and survives everything. You will always remain the link to my past and the only constant person in my future.

If you ever decide to have children, I promise I will treat them the same way I treated their mother, teach them what she had taught me, love them more, and try to fight with them less.

“A bond as important as that of a husband and wife, is the bond between siblings.” ~ Lee Dong-Wook

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