No matter what our age, there is a little one inside us tugging away at our skirt or pants strings.
We may not wish to acknowledge that we hold that level of vulnerability within ourselves; we might not have listened to our inner child in a while, or ever! But, she or he exists inside of us and is often calling us to recognize our vulnerabilities.
If we stop to listen in moments of self-doubt, insecurity, or vulnerability we will see them there alone and waiting; alone and desperate for us to walk their little hand home. In these vulnerable moments there is always a little one inside needing our constant attention and self-acceptance.
It doesn’t matter how old we are!
Whether we’re a woman or a man, no matter how much wealth or security we have accumulated, or how self-supporting we are, there is a little girl or boy who is unsure, confused, and needs our help. All the muscles, makeup, and clothes won’t defend that little being inside, who’s just dying to have their inner needs met, who’s craving for touch, love, connection, and affection.
As children, we would blame ourselves if life went wrong or wasn’t rosy in the garden for our elders. Children are hardwired to please and love undeserving adults, unconditionally.
In fact, the only reason we know how to love unconditionally is because we have a little one within, who sees the good in everything. Remember that little one trying to appease and please and make everything nice and alright, despite being shut down or shut out? That little ray of sunshine shining out idealism and optimism? Trying hard to make the world a safer, better place for everyone?
Children, unfortunately, in this world are conditioned to believe that if they do things correctly or in a certain way they will receive love, it’s hardwired into them. This is why new, conscious parenting is necessary in breaking the cycle of unhappiness and changing the course and direction of this planet. The healing of the unparented child is to the fore as a core activism for change; in fact, family life needs to become totally conscious—this will be the great, divine healer of our disconnected, narcissistic, competitive, and manipulative entities.
To do this, we must heal our inner child and love them fiercely. We do this by anchoring safety and security into our everyday lives. We do this by realising and understanding our wounds, our unmothered and unfathered aspects.
Forgiveness is what breaks the cycle of intergenerational pain, and I don’t mean bending down on our knees and sending forgiveness to those who hurt us, I mean looking hard at the guilt we hold onto around being ourselves.
We must allow ourselves to feel the resentment and anger we feel around subordination, submission, and powerlessness. We must allow ourselves enough self-compassion to heal the vulnerability of our own powerlessness, instead of covering this self-loathing up and projecting it onto other people who didn’t cause the pain in the first place.
We owe it to ourselves and to humanity. Be a breaker of cycles, give yourself enough love and permission to recognize your own grief and loss of self. Then, forgive all that has happened, or was done, to you in a cycle of intergenerational ignorance. The world is a constipated zombie who needs a good shake. Break the cycle of pain, and own yourself again. Our behaviour is just an imprint of learned behaviour—wake up!
We do this simply by asking our inner child, “Does this situation, action, or choice bring me into a feeling of safety, connection, trust, and security?” Or by reassuring our little archetypes within that we, as an adult, will create a safe and secure environment by consciously choosing trust, connection, and security.
Inner “Jaws” music goes off inside, each and every time our inner child feels unsafe; this is the playground of the ego, this is where the ego gets to jump in, defend, and react around feeling vulnerability.
Instead of defending, for once, try listening.
One can realise and transcend their ego by seeing it clearly. The ego can be a form of self-punishment: the replaced angry voice of a parent who stonewalled, ignored, rejected, shouted, hurt, or evaded the little one within. The ego wishes for us to suffer, because it suffered. It’s the voice of the inner parent punishing us for doing things or getting things wrong.
Let it go.
There is a parent inside each of us, as well as a child. Instead of being the egotistic bully of the inner child, become more nurturing and tender.
Love is a great healer, and loving our deepest shadows and wounds shines the light of awareness on everything: the reasons why we behave, think, or react in a certain way. No matter how painful our early childhood was, loving our inner child now will help us to heal our minds.
This allows for a well of compassion to grow in our being, deep are the waters of self-compassion. We then realise the quantum leap of “If I suffer, you suffer, and nothing changes,” to “If I heal, I allow myself to love myself fully.”
This, my friend, is the gift of forgiveness. You, my friend, are the gift of love offered to humanity, right now.