November 21, 2020

Why we Struggle with Letting Go & Moving On.


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A post shared by Tarn Ellis (@tarnellisart)

As humans, we fear loss.

Even if we fear losing something that no longer serves us, we hang on tight for dear life in hopes to prevent losing whatever it is we are holding on to.

I’ve always asked myself, “What exactly am I holding on to and why? Is it my dream or the fantasy I have created in my mind? Is it my fear of being alone or having to start over?”

I’ve realized that we rely on the comfort of knowing—there is comfort in knowing what to expect. Even if it’s negative, emotionally starving, toxic, or painful, this “certainty” is why we stay in jobs that don’t make us happy or cause us stress on a daily basis.

This is why we stay in unhealthy relationships that are toxic because we know what to expect from our partners/friends, and this brings us a form of toxic comfort.

The unknown is frightening for some of us, but I’ve learned that it can also be exciting if we learn how to shift our perspective from a fear-based thought to one of admiration and surprise.

Knowing what to expect from a situation can be comforting, but it can also keep us stuck in situations that do not promote our growth.

Many times, I feared no longer having that “thing” even when it no longer brought me pleasure. I didn’t understand that loss could ultimately make me happier, stronger, and more fulfilled.

The energy I used trying to avoid loss was insurmountable and unjust—it also prolonged the inevitable. If something is not meant to be in our lives, we have two choices: we either remove it or the universe will. Trust me.

Letting go of what is holding us back from growth invokes fear in us, but it also proves that we trust there is a higher power looking out for us, knowing what is best for us, and changing our journey—which ultimately takes us to the next experience.

If we let go of what no longer serves us and remove what is taking up space in our lives, we make room for what will ultimately make us more content and what will fill us up to become the person we so desperately deserve to be.

“You can only lose what you cling to.” ~ The Buddha

We mostly struggle with letting go of people and our idea of them, and we live with the assumption that people belong in our lives forever. That is simply not the case.

Danielle Steel says,

“Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn.”

This is the truth, yet we cling to them in fear of losing them even when we learn the lesson they are meant to teach us.

We simply struggle with letting go and moving on.

Coworkers, bosses, instructors, boyfriends, husbands, and best friends are all influential people in our lives. Some stay, some go for good, some leave and even might come back. It’s the cycle of life.

Each person we encounter brings something into our lives, and I bet if you take the time to journal what every person has brought into your life—the good and the bad—you would be able to see the lesson you have learned.

The term “soul mate” makes us believe there is a special, amazing, spiritual, or perfect relationship for each and every one of us. Therefore, we want and expect to meet our soul mates.

However, the true meaning of a soul mate is a person who comes into our lives, exposes us to ourselves, shakes up our world, shows us what we need to work on, and exits—painfully, the majority of the time.

A soul mate may not be meant to be in our lives forever, although it might happen, sometimes.

The Buddha teaches us that we are happiest when we live and love without attachment.

Letting go is to trust there is something better out there, even if that something better is you. Loving, validating, and trusting ourselves is key to healthy relationships, and ultimately, it keeps us from staying in unhealthy relationships with spouses, friends, family, or jobs that only cause us stress.

Self-love teaches us that we deserve whatever is out there for us.

Trusting in the universe takes practice, and we can’t accomplish it overnight. Every day, we need to take one step at a time and focus on ourselves. If we start today, a year from now we will be blown away at the progress we have made.

Trust me, I live this way, and it’s incredible.

Letting go is scary, but it can also be exciting if we shift our mentality.



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