Big toe dipping chances have been given dozens of times.
Only full immersion will make any real change at this point.
We really have nothing to lose.
Everything I thought we had is already lost.
The rest is just fluff.
I just don’t trust enough to immerse myself with you again.
Give us the same attention and focus I did for so many years.
Words just don’t hold the same power anymore.
Action is required.
Just being honest.
My sadness is grief, my joy is from me, my patience is running out, my fear is all but gone, my feelings are not hope-filled.
What you say you want consciously and what you subconsciously create don’t seem to be in alignment.
Your subconscious always wins until you change it.
Subconsciously you want your parent’s marriage without the bickering.
So, you can feel comfortable and familiar.
Subconsciously I wanted rejection.
So, I could chase you to prove my worth.
I no longer want that.
My conscious and subconscious are working together now.
I no longer need to fight, chase or try to convince you of my worth.
I feel that on my own.
I corrected my thinking and beliefs, but I cannot correct yours.
I appreciate that the waters are scary.
The fear of loss can be just too much to risk.
You are going to lose either way.
You get to decide which way of loss you are willing to risk.
I risked, I lost.
It hurts yes, but I am healing, and I am stronger for it.
I learned and I’ve grown. All worth the risk.
What I am not prepared to risk anymore is precious time.
Life is far too short, and I am not getting any younger.
It is time to write a new chapter, one way or another.
We are at the bridge, do we cross?
We do have the winter.
Time will tell the tale and we will write the story.