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November 17, 2020

Your ego is a grumpy grandpa

You know, when you sometimes visit your grandparents and try to present them the amazingness of some new century idea? Or when you suggest to your parents to get a smartphone, which makes your life easier and they resist the new scary thing all the way? The same way your ego functions.
Ego is like a hardwood, totally inflexible, stuck to one idea and wants it that way and not the other way. It says: “I want to keep this the same, my way is the best way, I won’t allow others to smartass me about my life!”

It’s similar to the situation when you walk through a store and seek for a certain thing, your ego won’t ask for help, it will walk extra miles to find the thing you need and spend additional time for something that could be solved in a minute.

Or when someone suggests you changing some procedure around your work or switch to another computer software or fitness program, and you resist it. No! My way functioned until now, so I am gonna do it furthermore. Or even if it didn’t function, I know it well and feels comfortable.
It also happens that we can be stuck on the idea that other people don’t mean well for us, that their help is manipulation and they want to convince us of something that is not beneficial for us but is beneficial to them.

All these scenarios are a result of past experience with people and it’s very usual we notice these behaviours in our relatives and finally as a copied program in ourselves.

We miss so many opportunities to enjoy life, to open to new things, connect with people through collaboration because we want to prove our capability, push away people or stay in the familiar zone of our activities. But that doesn’t mean we should hate our ego or try to change it by force, we need to explore it, understand it. If we understand the ego as an identity that was established to protect us in some way, we should get to know its system and upgrade it to something that works for us now.

When you look closer, this ego is usually a kid, who needs safety. It’s some past version of you, which developed this identity to feel safer. Even if the way you do something, is not the most optimal or beneficial for you, it is still safe, because you tried it several times and you know the process and the result. It’s familiar, it’s something you deeply know, even if it’s painful, you’ll stick to it, just to feel secure.

Sometimes we hate this ego and judge it for being stubborn and rigid, not wanting to change, but if you see it as a kid, who is really scared and wants to make sure it stays in a safe, familiar place, you stop judging, blaming and trying to change it. You start to love it, feel compassion and care. It is a self-parenting thing. You as a grown-up can see a different perspective than this kid does, so your approach needs to be really gentle. Your mission is to establish a loving and trustworthy inner connection to your child. It is the true way of healing.

Keep in mind it doesn’t happen in a second, it just helps you to notice how you react to situations in your everyday. You become aware when you act from that mechanism of a kid and how to treat the inner child in moments like that. What you also need to remember is, the ego is not your enemy, you just need to balance it, so it works for you not against you. Stubbornness and being rigid can be transformed into perseverance and flexibility that serves you and your life better.

If you notice you are bothered by your grandparents, parents or any other person who is not open or receptive towards new ideas, see them complaining about everything, check where you are like. Question your responses, discover what you try to reach by using them and help your inner kid to grow up and use it as a strength, not limitation.

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