December 14, 2020

Santa’s (funny) Guide for Drinking Less this Christmas.

Three things are synonymous with this time of the year: indulgent food, excessive drinking, and Santa Claus.

But what if the big man in red wants to drink less while he celebrates with Mrs. Claus? Afterall, I believe they’ve enjoyed plenty throughout lockdown.

For whatever reason, choosing to limit his alcohol through the festive period could be frowned upon by others. Fortunately, he has a few hacks up his sleeve.

So if you’re trying to do the same this festive season, follow this guide from Santa Claus:

Santa is evidently good with time. He gets a lot done in one night, and at the workshop Christmas party, he arrives 15 minutes early. This gives him time to acquaint himself with the barman, share his intention to drink less, and order a mocktail without any disapproving interruptions.

Now when the party starts, the barman can get creative with other options for him, but his colleagues and elves know that he isn’t drinking alcohol.

Do as Santa does—be early.

While visiting families, he drinks from a bottle of water in his sack as he arrives at each house. Staying hydrated means: he doesn’t drink his brandy quickly to quench his thirst, reducing the amount he needs; it helps with his stamina (he’s visiting over 1.5 billion households after all); it helps with a hangover the next day—priceless to Mrs. Claus too.

Do as Santa does—stick a water bottle in your sack.

When he arrives, it’s unfair to assume his hosts know he is only having the mince pie, as he is drinking less or not at all. Consequently, he brings in his sack a favorite nonalcoholic tipple to enjoy with them. This way he’s not stuck drinking soda or water for the evening.

Do as Santa does—BYOB.

In the Lapland pub, Santa remembers that the last time he drank with the elves…he woke up in the reindeers hay. He was doing rounds, which meant he drank a lot faster and a lot more. So now he politely declines with a joke of where he may end up sleeping again. He drinks to his own quota and pace, whilst avoiding the elves tempting him for another drink.

Do as Santa does—avoid drinking in a round.

Santa knows the cheeky elves will push him to have “just one more,” so he’s scheduled a run with Rudolph the following morning. This helps him stay committed to drinking less, as he can’t let Rudolph down at the final hour. It also deflects their peer pressure, and more importantly, he can still squeeze down the chimneys.

Do as Santa does—plan a morning activity with your mates.

This year, he’s not drinking at the Annual North Pole Ball, as he still can’t remember what happened at the last one. So to help eliminate any FOMO or peer pressure, he’s going to be the designated driver for Mrs. Claus.

Do as Santa does—drive the sleigh/car.

Seeing the positives from his decision to drive, he takes the opportunity to make new friends outside of his normal circle of elves. Using a memory technique from his friend Jim Kwik, he impressively remembers all of their names. Something he would have struggled with if intoxicated. All the while he stays sober and social with a slice of lemon in his glass, which convincingly passes off as an alcoholic drink.

Do as Santa does—stick a slice in it and mingle.

Santa’s hacks are useful when his (advent) calendar is full of engagements and excessive drinking feels inevitable or encouraged. However, a more sustainable approach is being honest and explaining to his peers the reasons why he had chosen to drink less or go sober. Having this purpose written down or saved as a picture on his phone will help keep it in his mind when FOMO and willpower get tested.

Moreover, sharing his vulnerabilities can actually be a catalyst for a deeper connection with his friends and family; one that a round of snowballs cannot give.

Do as Santa does—do you.



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