December 17, 2020

Darling, you will be Good & you will be Bad (but all of it is Beautiful).

Last week I was on a FaceTime call with an incredible healer, Prem. 

I reached out to him, seeking guidance to ground myself and cultivate the space for a transformation within.

From the pages of notes I took on the call, one thing he said really stuck out:

“There is only one goal worth having in life, and that is to be who you are. And none of us know who we are! If we did, we surely wouldn’t be here talking about who we are.”

If there’s one thing in life I’ve learned, it’s that we are ever-changing beings. Nothing is set in stone—not our body, religion, core values or beliefs, thoughts, work, where we live, not who we are.

Everything in this world is continuously changing and shifting, including ourselves. We are constantly learning, growing, and evolving, whether we want to or not.

If you follow me on social media, many of you might have noticed this about me. My truths are always changing. And I’m so grateful they are.

I have no desire to be the person I would have been if I had stayed in the truth I believed five years ago (or even five months ago).

I love peeling back every layer of my onion—going deeper and deeper into remembering who I am, only to remember:

“There is no onion after all.” ~ Alan Watts

It’s just an experience.

Watching your own evolvement is one of the most beautiful things to observe. Watch yourself with awe no matter what. 

 Another golden nugget from Prem:

“Make sure you celebrate the magnificence that you are.”

Upon hearing that statement, I asked, “How do we stay excited about the parts of us that we are ashamed of? The ones that don’t look beautiful and aren’t so easy to celebrate?”

“Darling,” he said, 

“You are going to be a bad girl, and you are going to be a good girl. You need opposites. The yin and yang. There is not one without the other. Everything we do, and everything we are, leads us to the present moment.

And in this present moment, we are talking from across the world to each other! I don’t think that’s too bad of a present moment. Just remember that if you are still here, alive, and breathing, Momma (God, Universe, Source, etc.) must really trust and believe in you. Who are you not to?”

Wow. What a beautiful shift in perspective that was for me! To go from what the world teaches us (“Who are you to?”) to, “Who are you not to?”

We are here to experience. We are here to learn our lessons and fulfill our contracts. We are here for ourselves—to enjoy all of ourselves.

It is fun to learn about and to be ourselves because none of us know who we are. What an exciting adventure.

Even the most awful things about us are all just part of the process, part of the experience. Do your best to be curious and loving toward yourself through every part.

A few days after my conversation with Prem, I received a download while in a deep meditation session. The words: you can not fail at being you came through, demanding to be heard and to be felt.

Overwhelming emotion came over my body, and the tears flowed. It was finally getting to boil over after being suppressed for what felt like lifetimes.

I have done many things in my life that have felt out of alignment—not of my own integrity. Often, it has led me to subconsciously believe that I have failed at being me.

I felt I had failed at being who I was “supposed” to be in this world. (What a heavy burden that was to set down.)

No matter the “wrongs” you think you’ve done or how “bad” you think you’ve become, you can not f*ck up being you.

Being you is what we are here for. Being who you are, however that may look, is the whole experience. As Prem said: it is the only goal worthy of being had.

If this resonates with you, please know that it is safe to be you, exactly as you are.

All of you belong. The good and the bad. The yin and the yang.

No matter how hard you try, you can not fail at being you. Be who you are, darling.

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