January 28, 2021

Finding our Path is often Easiest When we Feel Lost.

Amazing things happen every day, but if you aren’t looking out for them, these little doses of magic might pass you by.

Before I write about the present, I think it is important that we take a few steps back and begin there.

About a year and a half ago, I came to a fork in the road of my life. This is something that happens to everyone and often coincides with Saturn returns—if you’re into that sort of thing. At the time, I wasn’t; it was especially painful and lonely. I had the sort of feeling akin to sink or swim, and I inherently knew I was not meant to sink, so I had to find a way to swim.

What this looked like for me was diving into self-discovery. I won’t get into the exact details of all the things I did to get reacquainted with myself, although I have written previously about Human Design and astrology being key.

I became fascinated with myself and the person who I was at the core; my child-self, the person who had been lost along the way through societal conditioning.

I wanted to know again what it felt like to be living happily in the flow, not fighting upstream.

My search for self  led to different things I had not only been out of touch with in the past but blatantly scoffed at or chalked up as, well, crazy.

Things included in this category were: spirit guides, downloads, angel numbers, and signs.

Even as I write this, a part of me (most likely my ego) is resisting, telling me not to share this stuff—don’t talk about it, people will think you’re a kook.

In November 2019, I began my journey of self-discovery. My mind became open to whatever was going to help. My life, fortunately, had slowed to a crawl thanks to stress leave from my job and soon after, a pandemic settling in.

This slow pace of life allowed time to pause and look around; notice things in my environment and body that I had not paid attention to before.

The first thing I noticed was that virtually every time I looked at the clock, I saw the same numbers. It was always 23 minutes past the hour or 38 minutes past the hour. At first, I thought it was a coincidence, but after it happened so many times, I felt there must be something more to it, so I turned to the internet.

I researched what it meant to see repeating numbers, and sure enough, there was more to it than just coincidence.

I learned that this was a sign from my angels, spirit guides—whatever you want to call them—and those numbers carried a message for me. I found these repeating numbers extremely encouraging, and whenever I see them to this day, I take it as a sign that I am in alignment.

Once I realized that my guides were communicating with me through repeating numbers, I began to communicate with them.

I learned how to do so by listening to and reading work from Gabby Bernstein and implementing certain practices in my routine. For example, I would ask my guides to communicate with me through writing. I would hold a pen and paper, ask what messages they had for me, and just let myself write. What I read afterward had not come from my own mind; it was as if I had read a letter from someone else. I was intrigued.

I bought some tarot cards (I resonated most with the Yogic Path cards by Sahara Rose) and started doing readings for myself, asking my angels to speak to me through the cards.

Again, as I write this, I have this sickening feeling in my stomach that I sound absolutely crazy, but here I go anyway.

I started asking my guides for a specific thing because I felt so lost; I wanted them to send me a hummingbird whenever I was on the right track, living in alignment.

Well, guess what?

I started seeing hummingbirds. Not all the time, but especially after I made a decision or took an action that felt exciting and correct to me.

One of these times was when I started studying human design. I can just hear the critics piping up; if you’re looking for something, you are going to find it.

If you want to buy a 1975 Camaro, you’re going to start seeing them everywhere. Once something is in your subconscious, you’re going to bring it into consciousness.

Yes, I couldn’t agree more. That’s why I chose a bird that is relatively rare to see where I live. I invite the critics to choose something even more abstract and see how it shows up for you.

Keep an open mind; it’s more fun.

Because I was in touch with my guides, I received messages and signs of alignment. It felt amazing.

I felt happy, in-tune, in-touch, and excited about life for the first time in my adult life.

Then the real magic started happening.

I began getting downloads. Now to someone new to this stuff, it might sound to you like I am touched or that I have been beamed directly from the mother ship.

I promise you; I am a lowly earth-dweller just like anyone else.

But when I had opened myself up to signs and messages and alignment, fully formed stories, poems, songs, and interpretations of certain things came into my mind.

All I needed was a computer or pen and paper to write them down before they were gone.

I couldn’t freakin’ believe it.

I would call my mom crying because I had written a poem that would bring me to tears as if I had read the work of someone else.

I remembered how, as a child, I loved to express myself through writing,

I excelled in English class (that was the only class I did well in) and lived to read.

And now, at 31 years old, I have tapped into some creative force in myself that had been suppressed for at least 15 years.

Writing gushed out of me. I didn’t have to work at it at all. The magic had begun.

I continued to experiment over the next year. I practiced living in alignment; I continued to study things that were interesting to me and brought me joy, I continued to communicate with my guides, and I continued to receive downloads.

I noticed that when I didn’t do things that felt energetically correct for me, or out of alignment, I would not receive any messages, signs, or downloads.

I got back on track with my practices, and sure enough, the magic continued. This leads me to the amazing thing that happened today.

After a year of immersing myself in this new way of thinking and living, I decided to put my writing out there.

I submitted an essay that I wrote about my experience with having a baby during the pandemic on Elephant Journal.

I sweated. Would anyone read it? Was it any good? I began to panic.

But I trusted that all the signs and messages I was receiving were real. Within a day or two, I got an email from one of the editors telling me how much she enjoyed my article. That was all the encouragement I needed, and I continued to submit my writing.

One day, I read an article about a police officer who had performed an act of bravery during a monumental time in recent history.

I resonated with him in a unique way because I also am a police officer. While everyone was celebrating his bravery, and I was too, I also knew what was going to happen to him behind closed doors.

The trauma of his experience would be with him long after the glow of heroism wore off. And as I contemplated this, I got a download of what I would say to him if given the chance. I wrote it down, and I posted it on Elephant Journal.

As always, I second-guessed and sweated and waited. I started seeing hummingbirds and my repeating numbers daily multiple times a day. The messages I got from my guides during tarot readings reassured me that I was on the right path.

Keep going. Trust.

Today, I went for a walk with my husband, dog, and daughter. We talked about what it would take for me to be able to pursue writing as a career.

When would I feel comfortable, if ever, to step away from a career I (usually) love, with a pension and benefits?

How good would it feel to be the everyday presence in our daughter’s life as she grows older, not having to pay someone else to witness her magical little self?

I told him that when I get paid for my first piece of writing, I will know that I can achieve my dream.

Today, I received money for an essay that I wrote. My message to Officer Eugene Goodman had been the catalyst.

A piece of writing that just showed up, fully formed, in my mind. All I did was write it down. This is the first time in my life I have been recognized and financially compensated for my writing. I was notified that Elephant Journal was going to pay me for this work by email.

I received that email at 38 minutes past the hour.

Amazing things happen for us every day; we just have to look around.



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