Screaming but no one can hear you? Mouths moving but no sound coming out?  A cry for help, but not a soul to care? The ability to see clearly but be so far gone, we can’t even hear or feel our own pain anymore. How long does it take for someone to look up from their phone to see, I’m in need. Will they understand my cries for help?

Or will the door just stay shut until, it’s too late until, I’m so far gone that, I actually leave. Leave this world behind because it was too painful in the beginning. The constant body comparisons, judgemental relationships, never feeling good enough or wanted. Being a mother who is never good enough for her child, and being the only one in the family to carry all the weight.

This could’ve been fixed, with a simple,” I hope you’re okay, or how are you doing today?” Putting the phone down on date night, family holidays, or simply reminding them you’re grateful for their existence.

When I asked for help, you judged me for being needy. When I asked for attention, you took it as I was jealous. When I said, ” I’m leaving,” you said,” I wasn’t.”

Until I did leave, I left because had I stayed any longer, I wouldn’t be around today, for my son. Then, you tried to cry, as if it actually hurt you. The only pain it caused you was someone not doing anything for you anymore. I left because my life is just as important as yours, and I will not let you win.

On the hard days of feeling weak or unwanted, when you creep into my mind at 3 am or haunt me in a dream, to remind me, ” I’m useless.” I will not let you win, you have had your fun for three years.  I am more than worthy, and I chose happiness.